Update on Phase #2

I went to church a few weeks ago and in the middle if worship my Pastor came over and asked me if I would give a quick testimony and update to the church when the song ended.   I usually love it when I get the opportunity to speak, but I always have time to pray, sort out my feelings and God's words.  I take it very seriously and don't like it when I'm unprepared.  My biggest fear is always that what will come across is more Shelli than God.  So, I started praying and quick about what I would share in just a few minutes.  There were so many things I could share like surgery details, personal battles God helped me overcome, statistics, thankfulness for all the meals and prayer support, etc.  as I prayed I asked God to remove everything from my mind and just leave what He wanted me to say.  

A calendar with JULY 2012 was all that I had left in my mind as I took the microphone.  I still wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to share, which is exactly what I said at first!  As I opened my mouth in obedience the rest came.  

I shared with my church family how exactly one year ago I was at my pre-op appointment with my surgeon at Loyola.  I was frustrated, scared, and moving forward with what I thought was my last ditch effort at relief from my deteriorating spine.  All the time we were praying for God to guide us and direct us to the right answer.  Even asking for a supernatural healing so I could avoid the surgery all together.  We asked Him to open and close doors, so it should makes sense that last July the top neurosurgeon from Loyola would come in and say, "I've taken you off our surgical calendar.  I've changed my mind and think your case is too risky, I will not touch your back."  

Slam went that door.

I cried the whole way home.  I was so confused and upset.  I remember being slightly hysterical on the phone with my husband and mom as I updated them and they tried to help me process the change in plan.  Not really a change in the plan, more like throwing our last plan out the window!

I explained to my church that when God opens and closes doors to guide us and direct us it can hurt.  It can confuse us.  It can flat out feel like a harsh NO!  I spent the next few months back at square one.  I prayed, researched my options and waited.  I had moments of flat out depression from the lack of movement and direction.  It's hard in any situation and sometimes even more when you're in chronic daily pain.  But, the shut door wasn't a NO, it was a not yet, not this way.  

5 months later after a lot of prayer and processing, God's next 'door' was revealed and I had the best back surgeon in the world to treat my condition!  It is easy to see now what God was doing.  Hindsight is 20/20, right?  I encouraged everyone listening to trust God as He guides them and don't lose hope when you get a shut door.

I share this again now, because my next door is being opened, and I still need to remind myself daily that God is in control.  I went to my surgeon's office yesterday to discuss the next step for me. I was hoping to hear that all is well and we we are done, but I didn't exactly hear that.  My surgeon still wants to do the second phase of the surgery and We are thinking it will happen next month.  Everything will be finalized this week, but when we gave them our calendar and they pulled out Dr. Dewald's schedule his assistant looked at it and said, "Well that's unusual, we just had a cancelled surgery for the week you requested and can put you right in there!"  

God opens and closes doors.  If you are waiting for your next step....praise Him in the hallway!  

Proverbs 16:9

NIV- In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

NASB-The mind of man plans his way,But the Lord directs his steps.

My before X-ray

My after X-ray 

Going home...the end of a very long journey.

After days of pain, confusion, loss of sense of control and of fear I finally had peace back.  I knew God had my fate, as always, in His wonderful hands.  I knew that even as I sit and wait to find out what the next step was I could rest knowing my Father in heaven wasn't going to let anything unnecessary happen.  Not even an X-ray.  

Saturday I enjoyed a visit from my brother in law, sister in law, niece and nephews.  A few hours later I was blessed to hug and kiss on my 3 middle children and their grandparents.  That night mom and I watched game 4 of the Stanley Cup playoffs and I taught her the basics of the game.  Life was beginning to feel slightly normal.

Sunday morning I met my new nurse.  She entered the room announcing, "Alright Mrs. Chinlund, I'm sure you have a better life waiting for you outside of this room.  So, let's see what I can do to help you get to it!"  She was unaware of how seeing the kids the day before had stirred up so many emotions and feelings of missing my babies.  I answered her, "I have seven amazing blessings waiting for me at home!"  She spun around and asked in disbelief, "Children?"  I answered her with all the sass those who know me have come to expect, "Well, we're not talking about cats, Margaret!"  Her eyes welled up with tears and she went quickly to work on me.  

The doctors came in for morning rounds.  They hadn't seen me feisty.  The pitiful pain wrecked mama who was afraid to face her challenging home life had disappeared after the kids visit and they met the real me at the door.

"I want to go home today!"  They took a step back.  "You do?"  Yes, I was ready and I went on to tell them my list of reasons why.  I pled my case, stated my requests and let them examine me.  They  removed the drain from my incision, rebandaged me and agreed it was discharge day!  They said future surgery was on hold for now.  They agreed to see how I do, but they still needed to get the X-ray as a baseline to compare future progress.  Once my picture was taken I was free to go home!  Margaret returned quickly and started removing IVs and explaining my at home instructions.

After a few hours, an orderly from X-ray came back to take me down for my final requirement before I could leave.  The cspine machine was still broken, but the doctors were now satisfied with taking 3 views and having them pieced together later.  

I waited in the hallway again, this time I was excited because it meant I was going home, not that we were deciding on more surgery or not.  The X-ray tech pushed my bed into the room.  She introduced herself to me and explained what pictures needed to be taken.  She had the most amazing sweetness in her personality.  I felt like I had just met up with a sister I hadn't seen in a long time.  

The next hour we shared was amazing.  She stood me in position and squeezed past me and the machine, it snapped a picture!  She yelled, "Oh Lord, my booty just took a picture!  Let's see what I did!"  I knew I was in for a fun day with her.  She came back and repositioned me in front of the X-ray board again. Every time she touched me she winced and made a groaning sound.  After a few times of this, she saw that I noticed and apologized.  "Oh Shelli, it just hurts to look at you!  You've been through so much.  I'm sorry, but Lordy, I can't take it!"  I looked into her compassionate eyes and asked her if she feels other's pain?  She looked surprised and said, "We'll, yes!  Everyone always makes fun of me, even my kids.  They say I'm in the wrong business.  I'm 59 years old and have been doing this a long time.  When a patient comes in and I see them hurting I feel it in my body too.  From the pit of my stomach I ache like them.  One time I was working the ER and a little boy was brought in from a hit and run.  His ankle was smashed, no mama there for him.  I became his mama while he was in X-ray.  It's what I do."  

I smiled, "You have a mercy gift, Debbie.  God designed you to feel compassion and mercy for others.  It's a spiritual gift and it makes you-you."  She smiled big, "is that what that is?  I love it.  I love me being that way.  I love God!  Thank you Jesus!" She took the next picture and covered my lower half with a shield.   

"Any chance you could be pregnant?"  I laughed, "No we're all done With that!  Seven is good for us!"  After we discussed my amazing family she got real serious and told me, "Baby, I don't care if you're done or not.  You protect your body from unnecessary exposure."  She went on to share with me how God had cured her of cancer.  She showed me her scars and explained all she had been through.  She walked back to push the next button and exclaimed, "Thank you Jesus for healing me!  Thank you Jesus for healing Shelli!  Oh God you are so Good!  I just can't take it!"  

Tears streamed down my face, "We are having church in the X-ray room this morning aren't we, now?" I asked.  "Yes, yes we are." She answered.

Debbie came back over to set me for my final films. She didn't like my hair being in the way.  "Here baby, take my Barrett and pin your braid up on top of your head so it's out of the way."  She removed it from the top of her head and onto mine.  I had a moment where I paused and made a mental note of how unusual this was for a patient and X-ray tech to do, and then proudly put my new friend's Barrett into my hair. 

 "Like this"  I asked?  She smiled, "Yes baby.  That's perfect.  All my friends make fun of me for my Barrettes.  They say I'm trying to look like a princess or something.  But, I'm not.  My daughters are the princesses and I'm the queen of my house!"  

I couldn't resist, "Oh you are a Princess Mama!   Yes, you are the queen of your home and to your husband.  But you are also a princess, because you are a daughter of the King!"  

She stopped and her eyes filled with tears, "Oh, I like that. You're right. I am the daughter of the King. I am a princess. Thank you so much for that!  Thank you!"  

We finished up with the images, chatted like we had known each other for years, and sadly our time was over.  She pushed me back into the hallway and said goodby.  I couldn't believe how quickly I could had grown attached to her.  My heart ached at the fact that I would probably never see her again.  I wondered how our moment was going to end.  She leaned down, grabbed my face and kissed me six times on my cheek with tears streaming down both our faces.  "Bonk the big kids on the head and kiss the little ones for me," she said.  "I will, I love you!" I answered.  "Love you too baby!" And upstairs I went.

I was pushed back to my room where my mom was waiting with my suitcase.  I shared with her all about Debbie and how we had church in the X-ray room.  I kept crying as I told her our conversation.  The journey, this very long journey was finally done. I was overjoyed and ready to close the door on this chapter of my life.

I couldn't wait to share this side of it with all of you who have been following my journey.  If there is anything I hope you can see from my testimony it is this:

There is always purpose in our pain, God will never leave you or forsake you and it is an incredible feeling to be part of God's family!

God is REAL!!!!!