Making Crooked Places Straight......the Next Step.

I have been in a lot of pain lately. It seems to be getting worse and worse and with no end in sight. I have had several nights each week that I get up around 3am to ice my neck for an hour so I can get back to sleep. I have had days where I don't want to walk or stand and I end up staying at home on the couch. The more and more these moments have been occurring the more difficult they are to get through. So here is a little run down as to why this has been happening and what we are trying to do about it.

I had surgery when I was 13 yrs. old for severe Scoliosis. A 12" Harrington rod was fused to my mid and lower spine in hopes to stop the curvature and straighten my back. I recovered in 6 months and have had minimal to no problems up until I was about 30 years old. Off and on I would have pain or discomfort a few times a year, but have been able to manage it and cope pretty well. In the past 5 years the pain has increased, my posture has declined and I seem to be deteriorating much quicker than massage therapy and exercise can keep up with. In February of 2012 I went to see a chiropractor who did a scoliosis study on my back to see why this was occurring. She discovered with the first set of X-rays that my back was more curved than ever (81 degrees on the lower and 33 degrees on the upper) and shockingly- SO IS THE ROD!!! It should be straight as a ruler like it was when it was fused to my spinal column, but it isn't --it actually mirrors my curve now.

Unfortunately it is quite common with patients like me at about the 20-30 year post op point. The only recommendation for me so far has been full removal of the rod and reconstruction of my spine. We were referred to the top surgeon at Loyola University. He set surgery for the week of August 5, this summer. He explained to us that I would need 18-21 hours of reconstruction surgery on my spine. The surgery is risky (paralysis or life threatening blood clot) but without it I am also at risk (compressed lung/heart area, paralysis, or loss of mobility). As we reached the date of surgery I was called in to discuss my case and the surgeon sat me down and told me that after further review of my latest films he thought it was just too risky to do the surgery, so it was canceled. I was really upset! Cried the whole way home. Here are some of the thoughts I yelled at the rush hour traffic:

How could they leave me this way?
Thank goodness they told me BEFORE they performed the surgery!!!
How dare they ruin my summer with this date on the calendar!
I am so glad the surgery isn't happening.....
I wish I could have surgery and start feeling better soon.
Now what????

When I have a good day, it is really good and I am quite content to wait on the next step. When I have a bad day I picture myself in a wheelchair trying to reach high items in the grocery store. I'm left trying to figure out how I will be able to drive my 12 passenger vehicle or even how to get up into it!

Well, today is a great day. Not because I am pain free (I actually am NOT pain free today). It is a great day because God answered my prayer. Not the one to heal me completely, which I pray regularly, but a smaller one. I have been asking God to show me He hasn't forgotten about me. To show me that He is still working even though I can't see it. I have been asking Him to heal me, and if it isn't my turn yet to show me a glimpse as to why. I don't ask because I think I deserve to know, I ask to help build my faith. I ask Him so that I will be encouraged that while in this circumstance it is for a bigger purpose. Sometimes I am content to walk by faith not by sight, but in the middle of the night when I am crying in pain I ask for a little more. I plead with the One that has the ability to wash it all away to throw me a crumb as to why He hasn't yet. Well, today He showed me.

I am in the process of seeking out a new surgical team at RUSH University, but need some physical support to keep going throughout the months ahead. I asked a few weeks ago to see an Ortho specialist. He makes braces and orthodox for all types of 'structural problems'. My appointment came today and as I was explaining my case to the Therapist he started to get more and more interested. He asked to see my films and as he pulled them up on the computer he got REALLY excited! He said, "Oh my gosh, it's you!" Come to find out he was sent my case back in February. He studied it and set out to find a way to help me, hoping at some point I would be coming in to see him. He told me that he has even consulted with specialists in other countries about my case and he had several things he was hoping to try with me. He slowly and carefully explained each contraption to me. He finished with, "And there is this one thing we can try that I am most excited about. It is a prototype for a brace that I have been in development with a medical research company in CA for a while now. It is really 'weird' that you are here now. We are in the final stages and need clinical trials. Would you be willing to help us?" I smiled. I teared up as he raced to his office to bring me the brace. He fitted me for it and explained to me what to do with it. After my appointment was over, he shook my hand and walked me to the door and said, "I am really hoping this will help you, and with your help we are going to help a lot of people."

As I was driving home all I could think was, "Thank you God for showing me that even though I can't see it all the time, You haven't forgotten me, You haven't stopped working, and You are bigger than Scoliosis."

God hears our prayers and He's got it covered (period).

 

 

Luke 17:5, 'The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” 

 

John 20:27, Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

The smell of wet cat.....

I woke up with the best intentions of accomplishing much today.  I made a cup of coffee and warmed up a piece of Apple pie for breakfast.  Of course the kids decided to sleep in, so I started researching how to publish onto a kindle, I payed a few bills, then the kids started getting up and eating when I realized it was inching closer to time for lunch and naps.  I decided to let them all play outside for a bit, I mean why start now? We went out on the deck to pretend to play the guitar and found a super cool praying mantis in the gazebo! We stopped and stared at it for a while......

David asked if he could pick some veggies from the garden and then as we were relaxing in the sunlight soaking up vitamin D our neighbors cat jumped the fence and started harassing our dog.  It was pretty scary at first and I wasn't sure if one of our pets were going to get hurt, but it quickly fled over the fence.  We all started to settle down a bit when it stalked our dog and jumped over the fence AGAIN!  

Next thing you know my kids started working together developing a plan to stalk it back and spray it with the hose.  The lonely cat loved the attention in this game (she comes running when she hears our kids playing).  She kept darting through the woods and jumping out to be sprayed by the kids.  I am a sucker for teamwork so I let them go.  This all went on until our dog was tired of barking and the kids and cat were thoroughly soaked.  Now it really is nap time, time to regain control, assemble the troops and get to work!  

 

In all the chaos and mess we make memories and my kids get to be kids.  We will get everything accomplished during nap time and will call today a success, eventually. 

I do love days like today when we stop and smell the roses (today they smell like wet cat :)

Running the Race....

Lately we have been studying just one verse as a family, and let me tell you one verse can really pack a punch!  Hebrews 12:1 says, "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  I felt like God was leading us to this verse for our family devotional time, but I had no idea how one little sentence could teach (and guide) all of us so much!  Here are a few of the highlights of our conversations:

We started out talking about each word and what they mean.  Perseverance as defined by, David was not giving up.  We talked about how the race marked out for us is marked out by God, or "the race maker," said Gabe.   The runner doesn't necessarily get to choose the path, just whether or not they participate.

We talked about hurdles that we need to overcome when running a race that might stop or slow us down.  The kids shared ideas like being tired, thirsty, being to busy to train....Shelby kept interjecting with "stomach cramps are a hurdle or being hungry", and reminding me that she was hungry right now.

We also discussed how there is that lovely 'US' in this verse.  The 'us' means we are not running alone.  We have fellow runners, coaches, and hopefully people that have already crossed the finish line cheering us on.  We talked about how much easier it is to run with others.  You tend to go further, run harder and stay focused.  We also talked about being a cheerleader or coach; encouragement has an energizing effect on a runner.

In our devotional time we have focused on one member of the family each day.  We give that person an opportunity to share what 'race' God has them running currently.  We have been discussing how to help encourage one another (not criticize) to make their race easier. 

Yesterday we studied the Prodigal Son in Luke 15.  We read how he didn't like the path he was on and decided to get off and do it his own way.  We explored what happened when he did that, what he gave up and what the results were.

Today we are going to read about the rich man who Jesus asked to give all his possessions to the poor and follow him.  He couldn't do it.  We have some good friends at church who are doing just that!  EVERY possession, house, jobs, cars, furniture, EVERYTHING to go and be missionaries half way around the world.  They called yesterday and mentioned this story in the Bible and told me they are more sympathetic to the 'rich man' now.

Sometimes the race is hard, other times it is painfully hard!

I was lying in bed this morning staring at the ceiling thinking about my day and all that I had to somehow accomplish.  I started to feel panicky and stressed out.  I remembered the verse I taught the children and started to ask God to help me persevere.  I have peace, it will all get done and what doesn't can wait until tomorrow.  Our days are more like marathons anyway!

"Let US run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  Hebrews 12:1