Today was just one of those days when you know it is screaming..."Blog ME!" Alot has happened since my last entry. First of all I wrote and published a girls Bible study on Biblical Beauty, made 17 dresses for the girls' ice show, helped organize a ministry that blessed 1,021 people with the Free Garage Sale, and oh yeah, we became pregnant for the 10th time somewhere in all that too!So for those of you trying to name them all, let me help refresh your memories.
#1 Briana, almost 14
#2 Lindsey, almost 12
#3 David, 7 yesterday
#4 James, (died at 15 weeks)
#5 Gabriel, 5 this month
#6 Shelby, 3 next month
#7 Jonathon, (died at 13 weeks)
#8 Josiah, (died at 11 weeks)
#9 Madelyn, (died at 10 weeks)
#10 is now 13 weeks and still growing.....
After the second miscarriage my doctors started searching for a reason. They found I have a rare blood clotting disorder called Prothrombin Factor II. Basically, when the pregnancy hormones increase in my body so does the clotting factor in the blood stream causing the blood to become too thick for the baby to get what it needs to grow. In pregnancy #9 they put me on one shot per day of Lovenox (the minimum dose), but it wasn't enough. This time they are trying 2 shots per day (the maximum dose) and so far it is working.
So here we are at 13 weeks. It is a very important and difficult doctor appointment for me. I have been thinking and thinking about this day since the pregnancy test showed up positive. For the past 2 nights I have had the same dream: that they would not find the heartbeat. Jesus was there and He instructed me to a spot on my left side to hear it. Crazy right? This morning I woke up nervous. I knew that by the end of the day I would have heard the baby's heartbeat or not. I took a deep breath and stepped out of bed to see what this day holds.
I dropped the kids off at Grandma's and headed to the doctor's office. My doctors are all very patient and sweet. We have had a long history together and they know me well. She came in and said, "Okay, this is it....Let's see where we are today." She tried and tried, but couldn't find the heartbeat. She kept readjusting the Doppler. I kept praying, "Please God have mercy on me and let me hear the baby." I thought about my dream and wondered if I should tell this professional doctor whom I trusted how to do her job. What would I say? Jesus told me in a dream?? Would she think I was nuts???
In the end, I chickened out and didn't tell her. She gave up after almost 15 minutes of trying and said, "We need peace of mind, let me find you an ultrasound appointment."
So she left me in the room by myself....kind of. I was there praying when I saw out of the corner of my eye the Doppler machine. I wondered, just wondered if I could figure that thing out. I boldly walked over to it and thought, "Let's just see if it was a meaningless dream or was God instructing me?"
I lifted my shirt, turned it on, and placed it on the spot on my left side. Within 5 seconds I heard the baby's heartbeat! I couldn't believe it! Seriously? Now what? Do I tell them to come hear? Is that really it? I have learned the sound now after all these pregnancies and for 15 minutes I had just listened to my own pulse. But, this was a baby's heartbeat, twice as fast and lighter in tone than mine. I stood there in shock, listening. About 20 sec. went by and then it was gone. I tried to find it again, but no luck.
Was that a gift just for me? Do I call the doctor back in and tell her what I did and try to find it again? Do I go to the ultrasound anyway? Just as I was trying to decide on what to do, the nurse came in and announced that the hospital was waiting for me and to get over there right away. So I did.
I drove in silence....a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Week 13 is difficult for me, but not today. Today God surprised me in a beautiful way. He let me hear with my own ears the heartbeat of my baby. The ultrasound was not stressful at all, but sweet. The baby looked joyful as it bounced and rolled inside me like it was on a trampoline.
I do not know what the next few weeks hold for us, but I know God cares and will be there every step of the way. I will walk it with Him one day at a time.
"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
