A calendar with JULY 2012 was all that I had left in my mind as I took the microphone. I still wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to share, which is exactly what I said at first! As I opened my mouth in obedience the rest came.
I shared with my church family how exactly one year ago I was at my pre-op appointment with my surgeon at Loyola. I was frustrated, scared, and moving forward with what I thought was my last ditch effort at relief from my deteriorating spine. All the time we were praying for God to guide us and direct us to the right answer. Even asking for a supernatural healing so I could avoid the surgery all together. We asked Him to open and close doors, so it should makes sense that last July the top neurosurgeon from Loyola would come in and say, "I've taken you off our surgical calendar. I've changed my mind and think your case is too risky, I will not touch your back."
Slam went that door.
I cried the whole way home. I was so confused and upset. I remember being slightly hysterical on the phone with my husband and mom as I updated them and they tried to help me process the change in plan. Not really a change in the plan, more like throwing our last plan out the window!
I explained to my church that when God opens and closes doors to guide us and direct us it can hurt. It can confuse us. It can flat out feel like a harsh NO! I spent the next few months back at square one. I prayed, researched my options and waited. I had moments of flat out depression from the lack of movement and direction. It's hard in any situation and sometimes even more when you're in chronic daily pain. But, the shut door wasn't a NO, it was a not yet, not this way.
5 months later after a lot of prayer and processing, God's next 'door' was revealed and I had the best back surgeon in the world to treat my condition! It is easy to see now what God was doing. Hindsight is 20/20, right? I encouraged everyone listening to trust God as He guides them and don't lose hope when you get a shut door.
I share this again now, because my next door is being opened, and I still need to remind myself daily that God is in control. I went to my surgeon's office yesterday to discuss the next step for me. I was hoping to hear that all is well and we we are done, but I didn't exactly hear that. My surgeon still wants to do the second phase of the surgery and We are thinking it will happen next month. Everything will be finalized this week, but when we gave them our calendar and they pulled out Dr. Dewald's schedule his assistant looked at it and said, "Well that's unusual, we just had a cancelled surgery for the week you requested and can put you right in there!"
God opens and closes doors. If you are waiting for your next step....praise Him in the hallway!
Proverbs 16:9
NIV- In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
NASB-The mind of man plans his way,But the Lord directs his steps.
My after X-ray
