Making Crooked Places Straight......the Next Step.

I have been in a lot of pain lately. It seems to be getting worse and worse and with no end in sight. I have had several nights each week that I get up around 3am to ice my neck for an hour so I can get back to sleep. I have had days where I don't want to walk or stand and I end up staying at home on the couch. The more and more these moments have been occurring the more difficult they are to get through. So here is a little run down as to why this has been happening and what we are trying to do about it.

I had surgery when I was 13 yrs. old for severe Scoliosis. A 12" Harrington rod was fused to my mid and lower spine in hopes to stop the curvature and straighten my back. I recovered in 6 months and have had minimal to no problems up until I was about 30 years old. Off and on I would have pain or discomfort a few times a year, but have been able to manage it and cope pretty well. In the past 5 years the pain has increased, my posture has declined and I seem to be deteriorating much quicker than massage therapy and exercise can keep up with. In February of 2012 I went to see a chiropractor who did a scoliosis study on my back to see why this was occurring. She discovered with the first set of X-rays that my back was more curved than ever (81 degrees on the lower and 33 degrees on the upper) and shockingly- SO IS THE ROD!!! It should be straight as a ruler like it was when it was fused to my spinal column, but it isn't --it actually mirrors my curve now.

Unfortunately it is quite common with patients like me at about the 20-30 year post op point. The only recommendation for me so far has been full removal of the rod and reconstruction of my spine. We were referred to the top surgeon at Loyola University. He set surgery for the week of August 5, this summer. He explained to us that I would need 18-21 hours of reconstruction surgery on my spine. The surgery is risky (paralysis or life threatening blood clot) but without it I am also at risk (compressed lung/heart area, paralysis, or loss of mobility). As we reached the date of surgery I was called in to discuss my case and the surgeon sat me down and told me that after further review of my latest films he thought it was just too risky to do the surgery, so it was canceled. I was really upset! Cried the whole way home. Here are some of the thoughts I yelled at the rush hour traffic:

How could they leave me this way?
Thank goodness they told me BEFORE they performed the surgery!!!
How dare they ruin my summer with this date on the calendar!
I am so glad the surgery isn't happening.....
I wish I could have surgery and start feeling better soon.
Now what????

When I have a good day, it is really good and I am quite content to wait on the next step. When I have a bad day I picture myself in a wheelchair trying to reach high items in the grocery store. I'm left trying to figure out how I will be able to drive my 12 passenger vehicle or even how to get up into it!

Well, today is a great day. Not because I am pain free (I actually am NOT pain free today). It is a great day because God answered my prayer. Not the one to heal me completely, which I pray regularly, but a smaller one. I have been asking God to show me He hasn't forgotten about me. To show me that He is still working even though I can't see it. I have been asking Him to heal me, and if it isn't my turn yet to show me a glimpse as to why. I don't ask because I think I deserve to know, I ask to help build my faith. I ask Him so that I will be encouraged that while in this circumstance it is for a bigger purpose. Sometimes I am content to walk by faith not by sight, but in the middle of the night when I am crying in pain I ask for a little more. I plead with the One that has the ability to wash it all away to throw me a crumb as to why He hasn't yet. Well, today He showed me.

I am in the process of seeking out a new surgical team at RUSH University, but need some physical support to keep going throughout the months ahead. I asked a few weeks ago to see an Ortho specialist. He makes braces and orthodox for all types of 'structural problems'. My appointment came today and as I was explaining my case to the Therapist he started to get more and more interested. He asked to see my films and as he pulled them up on the computer he got REALLY excited! He said, "Oh my gosh, it's you!" Come to find out he was sent my case back in February. He studied it and set out to find a way to help me, hoping at some point I would be coming in to see him. He told me that he has even consulted with specialists in other countries about my case and he had several things he was hoping to try with me. He slowly and carefully explained each contraption to me. He finished with, "And there is this one thing we can try that I am most excited about. It is a prototype for a brace that I have been in development with a medical research company in CA for a while now. It is really 'weird' that you are here now. We are in the final stages and need clinical trials. Would you be willing to help us?" I smiled. I teared up as he raced to his office to bring me the brace. He fitted me for it and explained to me what to do with it. After my appointment was over, he shook my hand and walked me to the door and said, "I am really hoping this will help you, and with your help we are going to help a lot of people."

As I was driving home all I could think was, "Thank you God for showing me that even though I can't see it all the time, You haven't forgotten me, You haven't stopped working, and You are bigger than Scoliosis."

God hears our prayers and He's got it covered (period).

 

 

Luke 17:5, 'The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” 

 

John 20:27, Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”