It has been a very interesting experience raising twins. They will be three next month and we have been asked many questions from people that do not have multiples as we are out and about.
Questions like......
Do they feel each other's pain?
-no, trust me if they did they wouldn't bite each other so often!
Do they have a special language?
-no, they have the same developmental stages, so it may appear that way, but it's not.
Are they identical? -ummmm, no they are boy-girl twins so you might need to revisit 8th grade biology class ;)
There have been many challenges along the way like sleeping through the night, teaming up to raid the pantry while mommy is in the shower or helping each other dump out all the clothes in their dressers. It often feels like I'm wrangling jello at bedtime or herding cats to get to church on time! I still wouldn't trade it for the world. Twins are amazing.
I've noticed something new developing lately. Whenever one of the twins gets into trouble and lands themselves into a time out, the other watches the entire process carefully. After the time out is over and the twin in question has been released the other twin will walk up to me and do the exact same thing... smile....and wait.
At first I would just firmly repeat that behavior is unacceptable. "No screaming at mommy!" Or "no hitting your sister!" Everytime the bad behavior was repeated and the boundary is tested. I've tried ignoring the second child and every time the bad behavior is not only repeated, but it increases in its intensity. Crazy right?
I've been forced to put the second child into time out and inforce the punishment just as I did the first. I've found it is the only way to stop the bad behavior. It has me thinking a lot about testing our boundaries.
If there is one thing I know about human nature it is we have a deep need to feel safe. Like them or not, obey them or not, boundaries help us feel safe.
If there is one thing I know about children it is they not only need to feel safe, but crave to feel loved. I don't think they can even separate the two.
This has been playing out in my kitchen on a daily basis, one twin gets in trouble for breaking a family rule and is corrected, then the other watches, repeats and waits to see if I love them too. When I put the second child into the same time out they have a playful, "yes she does!" Look on their face. It definitely feels like a trust game.
It is fascinating to observe from a child psychology point of view, but is not a shocking revelation to the One who created us.
"Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them."
Proverbs 13:24 (NLT)
"Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you." Deuteronomy 8:5 (NIV)
"Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord, the one you teach from your law;" Psalm 94:12 (NIV)
Have you ever been out with a close friend and you correct her child and it was okay to do so?
Or have you ever given someone you trusted the okay to correct your child when you are not around?
Ever said to a family member or best friend, "Just treat them like they are your own!"
Our personal prayer should be of thankfulness in times of the LORD's discipline. It means God loves us as His own child. He is teaching us the way of righteousness. He loves us too much to let us stray away. God's boundaries are meant to keep us safely on the correct path.
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