Sitting on the Sidelines.....

Don't get me wrong, I ADORE the twins and am loving every minute of being a mommy to 7 incredible children, but I have been feeling a little bit down lately.  I am so used to being in the thick of ministry (official and personal) that I have been battling my thoughts a little bit.   I am not leading a Bible Study at the moment, or even attending one.  I am not teaching anything (outside of my children).  I am not writing a new study or leading anything at the moment. For goodness sakes,  I didn't even attend the Women's Retreat and that is always so special to me. 

To say it candidly, I feel a bit lost and left behind in the "Land of Poopy Diapers!"  Sleep and a home cooked meal are hot commodities at the moment.  I have been praying a lot in those wee hours in the morning and asking God to help me feel content in this season.  Honestly, I would have GLADLY given up leading, teaching, writing, studying or attending the retreat if He asked me to in order to have the babies.  So, it seems to make sense to not bellyache about it now.  The problem isn't God's, it's mine.  I seem to have Wonder Woman syndrome.  I think I can do it all----ALL THE TIME! 

This month provides another challenge.  I have a dear friend that is pregnant and about to deliver in the next week or so.  We were pregnant together and due on the same day.  I thought this one would be difficult, but it hasn't been.  I am so thankful for God's plan and for the blessings of Micah and Mariah that I have only joy for her.  I have been so healed of our miscarriage loss back in Sept. that it feels like years ago, not months.  Life has marched on and ours' has changed dramatically.  God has been good, very good, and I am still amazed at how He has blessed us.

So, I sit in church and watch my sisters in Christ, feeling like I am on the sidelines and they are in the game. And you know what? For the most part...I am okay with that.  But, I would be lying if I didn't say there was a tinge of wishing I could minister in some way.  So, like I said earlier it has been on my heart and I have been asking God how I could possibly add serving into my very demanding family life.  He has answered me in the sweetest of ways!

Yesterday I was in church and a friend came up to me and asked for a copy of the Bible Study I wrote for girls on inner beauty.  She told me about someone who wanted to do a study like it with her daughter.  I smiled as I handed her the copy I just "happened" to bring to church with me!  Hmmmmm....I think I just ministered in some small way!

Then she told me about another person she told about my blog and how I wrote about my miscarriages in a very transparent way.  She said her friend went here and read it and she felt less alone in her loss.  Hmmmm.....ministry?

Then today I received a phone call from a friend who told me how her and her husband reached out and helped a couple in a similar situation they were just in and encouraged them that it was going to be okay.  They shared with them how God helped them through this challenge and to continue to trust Him.  She said, "Shelli, we learned that from you and Mike, because you did it for us when we were there!"  I cried.  There is 3 different times in 3 different ways God was able to use me without me!  The Lord knew I was feeling left out and He made it a point to show me that I am not.

He has called me to be focused on our incredible 7 children.  He has asked me to care for these baby twins, love on them, bath them, change them, hold them through the night and that means I have to give up some freedom.  I'm okay with that!  Now that I think about it, I actually feel quite honored!