Selfishness stinks!

We love homeschooling the kids. It never ceases to amaze me to find teachable moments within moments of teaching. It truly does work best for our family.

Today we were working on our latest unit study on honeybees and my 7 year old decided he wanted to color the same picture my 5 year old was coloring. Unfortunately I couldn't run him a copy because she had already colored it and our book of original posters was at another family's house. I asked him if he could please just wait until we got the workbook back. He said, "No!" With crossed arms and gritted teeth.

This particular child is one of my gentlest and easiest so I didn't pay to much attention to his outburst and went on with the lesson. He continued to gripe and grunt so I stopped and repeated my explanation and request to just wait for the workbook for a copy. I could tell he wasn't going to cooperate so I offered a different picture as a trade off....still no! He did compromise by asking me to draw the picture for him by hand. I covered her picture with a blank sheet, placed it on a window and could see that I could trace it exactly and quickly. I did. When I finished and turned around he had taken an original poster of a different picture and had started coloring on it. I grabbed it away from him and sent him to his room.

I was so angry! Why did he do that? I stopped the lesson and left the room to pray. I asked God what about that made me so angry? He softly whispered into my spirit, 'It was selfish'. I knew that today's lesson on honeybees would have to wait. Today we learned about selfishness instead.

I brought the dear child out of his room and explained to him that selfishness is putting our SELF in front of everything else and it is a sin. It is like saying no to love and yes to envy, self interest and greed.

We took turns picking different family members names and thinking about how they would feel on different situations. We also talked about how to put others first. A big example the 5 year old came up with was letting someone else pick the TV show we are going to watch :)

We also talked about these two verses:

'An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.' Proverbs 18:1

'Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.' Psalms 119:36

We ended by discussing Jesus and how he came to give us a perfect example of selflessness. I reminded them that we all need God's help to fight selfishness.

Without the awareness of our selfish hearts we sound a lot like the seagulls in Finding Nemo saying, "Mine....mine....mine!"

Help us Lord to put others first and not selfish gain.

What Are The Chances?

 

Today is Good Friday.  The day that Christians all around the world stop and contemplate the sacrifice by Jesus on the cross to bridge the gap between God and humankind.  I have been asked by a close friend in the past "You aren't one of those Christians are you?  One that takes the Bible literally, are you?"  I've been scolded by a Christian friend not to take the Bible as literal because it isn't trustworthy like a history book.  I've been made fun of by atheists who say I'm unintelligent because I take my faith blindly, without logic or reason.  I respectfully disagree with them all. 

In an exercise of building my own faith,  I have asked myself, "What are the chances?"  Well, come to find out, I'm not the only one that has wondered about that very question. Mathematicians and statistical scholars have asked too, and they have even calculated the odds.  So, here they are:

There are over 700 prophecies written to help us identify the Messiah throughout the Bible.  Prophecies foretelling how, when, where of his birth, death and resurrection.  And don't forget, also his return.

Dr Peter Stoner (Science Speaks, 1958)  calculated the probability  that the chance of one man accidentally fulfilling just 8 of these prophecies is one in 10 ¹⁷ It is a number that is hard to wrap the mind around.  Here is an illustration by Dr. Stoner to help us visualize it:

If you mark one of ten tickets, and place all the tickets in a hat, and thoroughly stir them, and then ask a blindfolded man to draw one, his chance of getting the right ticket is one in ten. Suppose that we take 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 silver dollars and lay them on the face of Texas. They'll cover all of the state two feet deep. Now mark one of these silver dollars and stir the whole mass thoroughly, all over the state. Blindfold a man and tell him that he can travel as far as he wishes, but he must pick up one silver dollar and say that this is the right one. What chance would he have of getting the right one? Just the same chance that the prophets would've had of writing these eight prophecies and having them all come true in any one man, from their day to the present time, providing they wrote them in their own wisdom.

Now, what are the odds that only 48 of the more than 700  prophecies of Jesus were fulfilled?  Dr. Stoner estimated the odds against that to be 1 in 10 to the power 157. [1]  A number that would fill a  blank page with zeros.  Here is an illustration to help us visualize this number:

How large is the number one in 10¹⁵⁷? Well, it contains 157 zeros! Stoner gives an illustration of this number using electrons.

Electrons are very small objects. They're smaller than atoms. It would take 2.5 TIMES 10¹⁵ of them, laid side by side, to make one inch. Even if we counted 250 of these electrons each minute, and counted day and night, it would still take 19 million years just to count a line of electrons one-inch long.

Statistically, any odds beyond 1 in 10⁵⁰ have a zero probability of ever happening by random chance. This is Borel's law in action which was derived by mathematician Emil Borel.

Dr. Stoner concludes,''Any man who rejects Christ as the Son of God is rejecting a fact, proved perhaps more absolutely than any other fact in the world."

Those are the odds.  If you take blind faith out of the equation and insert mathematical probability and logic, you get a zero probability that Jesus was accidentally or mistakenly the prophesied Messiah. 

That means Jesus came just as God promised. He lived among us just as God promised, He died for you just as God promised.  He rose from the dead just as God promised.  And He will come again in glory just as God promised.  It is a Good Friday, indeed!

Revelation 19:10,

“The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.”

*If you are interested in studying some of the prophecies Jesus fulfilled check out the Bible Study link on the top right of the blog.  I will add it as soon as Resurrection Sunday is over, but for now I am going to go celebrate with my family!

Where is my baby?

Eight years ago  I experienced the loss of my first child, James. He was my 4th pregnancy and I had no idea anything was wrong. I went to my 17 week check up and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat. She looked concerned and left the room for a portable ultrasound. I sat there staring at the wall and all I could think of is maybe I'd get to find out the sex of the baby that day.

I was so clueless.

 She came back in and started looking at the monitor, I was calm and excited. After a few minutes she turned off the ultrasound, tears streamed down her cheeks as she said, "I'm sorry, Shelli, I am so sorry."

 I still wasn't processing this. I sat there in shock for a while, unable to cry. I just kept asking over and over, "Can't you be wrong? Are you sure?"

She wasn't wrong.

In the days that followed, I remember cying so much I had no more tears to cry,  I thought, "That's it I will never be happy again."  It felt like an impossibility to smile, no chance I physically could ever smile again.

We took the kids to an indoor water park for the weekend.  I watched one of the kids do something silly and I cracked a smile! Then the guilt hit me like a wave.  I thought, Oh NO! Am I moving on? I can't do that, not without my baby.

I became angry, questioning God. If He is a good God how could this happen? Why didn't He warn me? I stopped going to church on Sundays. Mike would take the kids, I would put on Christian music, lay flat on the floor and sob.

Once I heard an audible voice. It scared me at first, I even jumped up. I laid back down on the floor and listened again and heard "my sheep know my voice and they follow me." I got a picture in my head of James hearing Jesus, he let go of my hand and he walked to Him. It was a sweet image, I liked it and it brought me my first glimpse of comfort. But I needed so much more.

I would ask God all throughout the day, "What did that mean, is my baby with you, why couldn't he stay here with me, did I do something wrong, am I really saved, will I ever see James again?"  I started saying the 'Sinners prayer, over and over, obsessively. At one point I was praying for my own Salvation dozens of times a day. I was afraid if I didn't do it right I may never see my baby again.

I needed so desperately to hear from God. A close friend of mine invited me to a women's retreat. I went because no one there knew me and I knew if I broke down in to a mess of tears at least it wouldn't be as embarrassing.  The only person who knew I had just lost a baby was my friend and I purposely avoided her the entire time. I was there to hear from God and God alone.

In the evening there was a prayer and prophetic time. I joined the group of strangers. I listened as they prayed and spoke over each woman in the circle. I was last. As they worked their way over to me my heart raced faster and faster and at one point I thought it just may burst!  Two women laid hands on my shoulders and became silent.

Nothing.....nothing.....nothing.  Then, one of them spoke, and to the best of my memory this is what she said:

"I see a sheep. He is on one side of the fence and you are on the other. You are crying for him. Jesus is walking and the sheep is following him. It's okay, your sheep is safe."

I couldn't believe it!  She described my vision from weeks earlier.   I was as you can imagine,
I was a bawling crying mess at this point. I squeaked out a thank you and started to head for the door. The other woman grabbed my hand to stop me and said, "One more thing, who ever you keep praying for to be saved, God says, "Stop.  It is done. They are saved."

I couldn't process that at that moment. I was so amazed at the confirmation I had just received that James was OK I jumped in my car and drove home even though it was only the first night of the retreat.

As I was driving I kept going over and over the words spoken to me through God's vessels.

I remembered the 'stop praying for salvation' comment.  I racked my brain for who I was currently praying for to be saved.  I couldn't think of anyone specifically off the top of my head.  Then, it hit me....that was me!  I had been praying over and over for me to be secure in the Kingdom.  I needed to know that my name was written in the Book of Life.  I was spending my prayer time stuck in that place of needing reassurance and had no peace.

Not only did God tell me my baby James was safe in His arms, but he also told me I was secure in the Kingdom and someday we would all be reunited again.  What a loving and comforting Father!

My trials and losses didn't end that day, but as I walked through 2 more difficult pregnancies and 4 more losses to miscarriage I walked with a peace that defied human understanding.  Sure it was difficult, but I knew where my babies were and that I would be united with them someday.

Until we meet again James, Jonathon, Madelyn, Josiah and Levi ...mommy loves you!

John 10:27-28, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand."

Update: If you have suffered a child loss, I pray this blogpost brings you peace.  Ask God the hard questions and let him help you process.  A wonderful book I read that helped me see with Scripture what Jesus says about heaven and what the Bible says about child loss was "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur. 

The next season....

Here we are in the dead of winter and just around the corner is SPRING!!!  Please hurry, I cannot wait!  I am also on the verge of a new season of health as well. 

It all started a few years ago.  I visited my best friend in FL and she mentioned I was leaning forward when I stood or walked.  I went home and started looking a pictures and I saw it too.  Now that I was paying attention, I noticed that I couldn't do what I used to be able to do anymore.  My stamina was declining and I ended up having to sit on the couch by the end of the night with an ice pack or heating pad on my back and neck. 

I started researching for reasons, tried physical therapy (3 months each time with 2 different clinics), used all sorts of prescription pain relievers, exercised, wore braces, chiro care, hot tubbing it (my personal favorite :) and just about anything else we could think of to help bring relief, turn back the clock or gain strength. 

After a set of xrays last February, it was recommended I see a surgeon to repair my Harrington Rod placement that had failed from my original surgery in 1985.  I was sent to a reputable spine/neurosurgeon.  He gave me a grime prognosis without surgery and a risky surgical plan to correct it.  It was so risky in fact, that after gathering more information and while developing my surgical plan the surgeon changed his mind and cancelled the August surgery in July. 

I was back at square one.  I was very depressed and confused.  Now what???

Not too long after the surgery was off the table, my current physical therapist asked me to call the Orthopedic Brace specialist, Patrick Flanagan.  She thought he could help.  I did and he has helped me.  He even knew about my case before I ever walked in the door and was hoping I would come in to see him!  He has developed a bracing system that is in a clinical trial and is now using me as a test case.  I love my brace.  It doesn't reverse the clock, but it gives me the support and rest my muscles need to make it through my busy day.  I count him and his invention as a blessing on this journey.

Not long after I started working with the brace, a Chiropractor called me.  Dr. John Merkling had heard about my case through one of my close friends and wanted to help.  He has helped me more than I ever thought possible and I count him as another blessing in this journey.

Today I met with a new surgeon, Dr. Dewald at Rush University.  I was not sure what to expect after all we have been through, but was pleasantly surprised.  He did agree I need reconstructive surgery on my spine, but did not think it needed to be as extreme as my first surgical consult did.  He knew exactly what I needed and has done it many, many times before.  He didn't give me a grim future, but cast a vision of hope and help that seems manageable - not extreme.  I am still considered 'high risk', but for some reason this time we all have peace about it. 

My surgery is scheduled for May 20th.  I will be in the hospital for 5-7 days post op, and will be recovering home for several months.  I will not be able to drive, lift or do simple tasks around the house for months (God help us all :) I may need a second surgery, but it will be smaller and not as difficult, but we will not know about the second until the first has happened.  When the 6-12 months are over I will be straight, strong, and looking forward to many years ahead of mobility and activity that I crave!!!  YAY!!!

So here is the update I have promised.  Thank you for your prayer thus far.....and please consider prayng for our family in the days ahead.  It is a season full of challenges, but most importantly of hope. 

“A voice of one calling in the desert,
‘Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill made low.
The crooked roads shall become straight,
the rough ways smooth.

 And all mankind will see God’s salvation.’

Luke 3:4-5 and Isaiah 40:3-5

A cure for bickering.....

I do not know why it has been so bad lately, maybe the winter weather, the holidays are over, or plain old boredom, but several of the kids (the middle 3) have been fighting non stop for several weeks now. Sweet darling children that once played legos quietly together have turned into fighting-picking-tattling monsters and mommy is sick of it! I have decided that if we are going to keep the cereal portion police and spoon size regulation between sibs then I am going to gain a clean house, too. Yesterday I made a list of every chore I could think of, especially ones they hate to do and posted them for all to see on the fridge. I explained to them that anytime I heard one of them fighting, being rude or making up a rule that doesn't really exist (like you can't watch me play Wii unless it's your birthday) they would receive a job. Oh they tested me, I returned the infraction with a smile, a chore and the reverse psychology of "keep it up, I mean it, I need someone to sort laundry!!!!" Even while we were out last night I was using the 'job assignment' threat to keep them from running the aisles at Sam's Club. It was quite effective! By the end of the day we had NO fighting and I even overheard Gabe tell Shelby he loved her. So today I am torn: do I want them to fight so we get some socks matched or do I want them getting along? I think I will just wait and see what challenges today brings!

Making Crooked Places Straight......the Next Step.

I have been in a lot of pain lately. It seems to be getting worse and worse and with no end in sight. I have had several nights each week that I get up around 3am to ice my neck for an hour so I can get back to sleep. I have had days where I don't want to walk or stand and I end up staying at home on the couch. The more and more these moments have been occurring the more difficult they are to get through. So here is a little run down as to why this has been happening and what we are trying to do about it.

I had surgery when I was 13 yrs. old for severe Scoliosis. A 12" Harrington rod was fused to my mid and lower spine in hopes to stop the curvature and straighten my back. I recovered in 6 months and have had minimal to no problems up until I was about 30 years old. Off and on I would have pain or discomfort a few times a year, but have been able to manage it and cope pretty well. In the past 5 years the pain has increased, my posture has declined and I seem to be deteriorating much quicker than massage therapy and exercise can keep up with. In February of 2012 I went to see a chiropractor who did a scoliosis study on my back to see why this was occurring. She discovered with the first set of X-rays that my back was more curved than ever (81 degrees on the lower and 33 degrees on the upper) and shockingly- SO IS THE ROD!!! It should be straight as a ruler like it was when it was fused to my spinal column, but it isn't --it actually mirrors my curve now.

Unfortunately it is quite common with patients like me at about the 20-30 year post op point. The only recommendation for me so far has been full removal of the rod and reconstruction of my spine. We were referred to the top surgeon at Loyola University. He set surgery for the week of August 5, this summer. He explained to us that I would need 18-21 hours of reconstruction surgery on my spine. The surgery is risky (paralysis or life threatening blood clot) but without it I am also at risk (compressed lung/heart area, paralysis, or loss of mobility). As we reached the date of surgery I was called in to discuss my case and the surgeon sat me down and told me that after further review of my latest films he thought it was just too risky to do the surgery, so it was canceled. I was really upset! Cried the whole way home. Here are some of the thoughts I yelled at the rush hour traffic:

How could they leave me this way?
Thank goodness they told me BEFORE they performed the surgery!!!
How dare they ruin my summer with this date on the calendar!
I am so glad the surgery isn't happening.....
I wish I could have surgery and start feeling better soon.
Now what????

When I have a good day, it is really good and I am quite content to wait on the next step. When I have a bad day I picture myself in a wheelchair trying to reach high items in the grocery store. I'm left trying to figure out how I will be able to drive my 12 passenger vehicle or even how to get up into it!

Well, today is a great day. Not because I am pain free (I actually am NOT pain free today). It is a great day because God answered my prayer. Not the one to heal me completely, which I pray regularly, but a smaller one. I have been asking God to show me He hasn't forgotten about me. To show me that He is still working even though I can't see it. I have been asking Him to heal me, and if it isn't my turn yet to show me a glimpse as to why. I don't ask because I think I deserve to know, I ask to help build my faith. I ask Him so that I will be encouraged that while in this circumstance it is for a bigger purpose. Sometimes I am content to walk by faith not by sight, but in the middle of the night when I am crying in pain I ask for a little more. I plead with the One that has the ability to wash it all away to throw me a crumb as to why He hasn't yet. Well, today He showed me.

I am in the process of seeking out a new surgical team at RUSH University, but need some physical support to keep going throughout the months ahead. I asked a few weeks ago to see an Ortho specialist. He makes braces and orthodox for all types of 'structural problems'. My appointment came today and as I was explaining my case to the Therapist he started to get more and more interested. He asked to see my films and as he pulled them up on the computer he got REALLY excited! He said, "Oh my gosh, it's you!" Come to find out he was sent my case back in February. He studied it and set out to find a way to help me, hoping at some point I would be coming in to see him. He told me that he has even consulted with specialists in other countries about my case and he had several things he was hoping to try with me. He slowly and carefully explained each contraption to me. He finished with, "And there is this one thing we can try that I am most excited about. It is a prototype for a brace that I have been in development with a medical research company in CA for a while now. It is really 'weird' that you are here now. We are in the final stages and need clinical trials. Would you be willing to help us?" I smiled. I teared up as he raced to his office to bring me the brace. He fitted me for it and explained to me what to do with it. After my appointment was over, he shook my hand and walked me to the door and said, "I am really hoping this will help you, and with your help we are going to help a lot of people."

As I was driving home all I could think was, "Thank you God for showing me that even though I can't see it all the time, You haven't forgotten me, You haven't stopped working, and You are bigger than Scoliosis."

God hears our prayers and He's got it covered (period).

 

 

Luke 17:5, 'The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” 

 

John 20:27, Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

The smell of wet cat.....

I woke up with the best intentions of accomplishing much today.  I made a cup of coffee and warmed up a piece of Apple pie for breakfast.  Of course the kids decided to sleep in, so I started researching how to publish onto a kindle, I payed a few bills, then the kids started getting up and eating when I realized it was inching closer to time for lunch and naps.  I decided to let them all play outside for a bit, I mean why start now? We went out on the deck to pretend to play the guitar and found a super cool praying mantis in the gazebo! We stopped and stared at it for a while......

David asked if he could pick some veggies from the garden and then as we were relaxing in the sunlight soaking up vitamin D our neighbors cat jumped the fence and started harassing our dog.  It was pretty scary at first and I wasn't sure if one of our pets were going to get hurt, but it quickly fled over the fence.  We all started to settle down a bit when it stalked our dog and jumped over the fence AGAIN!  

Next thing you know my kids started working together developing a plan to stalk it back and spray it with the hose.  The lonely cat loved the attention in this game (she comes running when she hears our kids playing).  She kept darting through the woods and jumping out to be sprayed by the kids.  I am a sucker for teamwork so I let them go.  This all went on until our dog was tired of barking and the kids and cat were thoroughly soaked.  Now it really is nap time, time to regain control, assemble the troops and get to work!  

 

In all the chaos and mess we make memories and my kids get to be kids.  We will get everything accomplished during nap time and will call today a success, eventually. 

I do love days like today when we stop and smell the roses (today they smell like wet cat :)

Running the Race....

Lately we have been studying just one verse as a family, and let me tell you one verse can really pack a punch!  Hebrews 12:1 says, "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  I felt like God was leading us to this verse for our family devotional time, but I had no idea how one little sentence could teach (and guide) all of us so much!  Here are a few of the highlights of our conversations:

We started out talking about each word and what they mean.  Perseverance as defined by, David was not giving up.  We talked about how the race marked out for us is marked out by God, or "the race maker," said Gabe.   The runner doesn't necessarily get to choose the path, just whether or not they participate.

We talked about hurdles that we need to overcome when running a race that might stop or slow us down.  The kids shared ideas like being tired, thirsty, being to busy to train....Shelby kept interjecting with "stomach cramps are a hurdle or being hungry", and reminding me that she was hungry right now.

We also discussed how there is that lovely 'US' in this verse.  The 'us' means we are not running alone.  We have fellow runners, coaches, and hopefully people that have already crossed the finish line cheering us on.  We talked about how much easier it is to run with others.  You tend to go further, run harder and stay focused.  We also talked about being a cheerleader or coach; encouragement has an energizing effect on a runner.

In our devotional time we have focused on one member of the family each day.  We give that person an opportunity to share what 'race' God has them running currently.  We have been discussing how to help encourage one another (not criticize) to make their race easier. 

Yesterday we studied the Prodigal Son in Luke 15.  We read how he didn't like the path he was on and decided to get off and do it his own way.  We explored what happened when he did that, what he gave up and what the results were.

Today we are going to read about the rich man who Jesus asked to give all his possessions to the poor and follow him.  He couldn't do it.  We have some good friends at church who are doing just that!  EVERY possession, house, jobs, cars, furniture, EVERYTHING to go and be missionaries half way around the world.  They called yesterday and mentioned this story in the Bible and told me they are more sympathetic to the 'rich man' now.

Sometimes the race is hard, other times it is painfully hard!

I was lying in bed this morning staring at the ceiling thinking about my day and all that I had to somehow accomplish.  I started to feel panicky and stressed out.  I remembered the verse I taught the children and started to ask God to help me persevere.  I have peace, it will all get done and what doesn't can wait until tomorrow.  Our days are more like marathons anyway!

"Let US run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  Hebrews 12:1

waiting....

I have a new friend I have been praying for the softening of her heart towards the Lord.  I was praying the words for her that she cannot yet pray herself.  As I was praying a picture flashed in my mind of children in an orphanage in Ethiopia.  This meant a lot to me considering  I have another friend in Florida who has been in process of adopting their baby (one week younger than our twins) from there.  They went and met him, Baby T is all they are allowed to share for now, and now they sit waiting for that phone call saying they can come back and get their child.  They heard about him at 7 months and now for the past 14 months they have been in agonizing wait for their child to come home with them. As I reflected on what my prayer for an unbeliever would have to do with my friend adopting from Ethiopia it became clear to me.  God longs for us to come to Him the same way.  He patiently waits and desires nothing less than to wrap us in His loving arms and say welcome home, child.  I missed you!

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness.  He is patient with you not wanting anyone to perish, but wanting everyone to come to repentance.  2 Peter 3:9

My Marriage: Defined.

Marriage, it is a word that is getting a lot of attention lately.  I am not going to use this as an opportunity to tell you what my opinion is on it politically.  Instead, I am going to tell you about mine. 

I met my husband in FL where he was stationed in the Air Force.  We had a quick and whirlwind dating period of only 2 months (when he realized he couldn't live without me :).  He asked me to marry him, I said yes, less than a year from when we met we were husband and wife.  And we lived happily ever after right?  Not exactly. 

After the honeymoon was over we weathered 2 hurricanes in just our first year, the second one destroyed our home and all of our possessions.  He was restationed to England.  It was hard being only married for one year and then overseas alone without family.  We had a lot of growing to do.  We technically were two people become one, but it took a while before we started behaving that way.  We started our family quickly and brought home a 2 yr old and newborn baby girl after our 3 yr tour in the UK.   Children are a wonderful kind of glue to a marriage helping us learn to work together and work things out when trouble comes.

We returned to FL for 2 yrs. and in that time I lost my daddy to cancer.  More glue, but this time it was my husband who patiently held my hand through the grieving process.  Mike got out of the Air Force and started flying for American in Dallas/Ft. Worth Texas.  

After 9-11 we decided to move to his family in the Chicago area.  Extended family is also like glue.  We have survived layoffs, unemployment, law school, high risk pregnancies, miscarriages and adopting twins giving us a total of seven darling children in our home.  Every trial has brought us closer....kind of like SUPERGLUE.

Last week we had a severe thunderstorm.  The winds were howling and my precious gazebo was picked up and thrown into the deck railing causing the entire metal frame to collapse to the ground.  Mike knew I loved that silly gazebo.  My heart sank when I looked out the window and saw the damage.  I didn't say a word, because I love people more than things and knew it didn't matter in the big picture, but I was very sad.  He called me from work a few hours later and told me he had an idea to fix it.  It made me smile that he was sitting at his desk thinking of me and what would make me happy. 

When I pulled into the driveway later that night from running the kids around he was already home and was drilling and screwing supports on the gazebo's metal frame.  I turned the car off and looked at my beautiful teen aged daughters and said, "Good luck girls finding someone as awesome as your daddy!"  They agreed with a "Oh GREAT!!! He just raised the bar again!"  (Probably all part of his master plan ;)

We had another storm a few days later and guess what?  The gazebo didn't move!  I sit in it and look at the supports he lovingly added to it and started reflecting on marriage.  It is a lot like that.  You weather storms, assess the damage, add support....get the picture?  Love is great and motivates you to do selfless things for one another, but marriage isn't happily ever after with out some good old fashioned elbow grease. 

We will be celebrating 18 yrs. this October.  It feels like only yesterday.  I really really REALLY do love him more today than yesterday.  I have learned that our success has been in working together as a team and to patiently wait on one another when we don't see eye to eye.  We choose to keep our promises to one another and be faithful no matter what.  We always tell the truth and choose to forgive when one of us makes a mistake.  It isn't easy, but it is worth it! 

We model our marriage as Christ and His bride , we didn't always do it that way, but I know we have profoundly changed and grown as a couple since we have.  When we didn't follow God's model so closely we weren't operating at the level we do today.  One of the most important things I did was started praying for my husband.  It was so profound and marriage changing.  One time I was teaching on the book "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian and a woman stopped me and told me she didn't have time to pray for her husband.  She candidly shared that he was an adult and she expected him to pray for himself.  I didn't quite know what to say.  I wish she had understood that praying for him is like praying for herself, after all two become one, when you pray for him you are praying for you by default!  I pray for my husband all the time.  I also pray for more time, whatever time we have appointed in this life, for God to add to it!  I pray that constantly.

God has blessed our marriage.  Over and over He blesses it.  Of every good gift God has given me on this earth, I think our marriage is my all time favorite gift.  (Even baby twins wouldn't have been as much fun without my incredible husband.) 

I love you, Baby!

Ephesians 5:22-33, Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.   For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.   In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Your Identity...has it been stolen?

Modern day thieves have become masters at impersonating others by using their personal information to their own dishonest gain.  We have had our identity stolen twice in the past 15 years.  The first time it happened we were living on a military base in England and our new credit card never arrived to us.  Someone snatched it out of the mail in NY and made over $1600 in charges.  Our credit card company caught it on the first statement and alerted us of the problem.  They cancelled the card before more damage could be done and reissued us a new one.  The second time was about 2 months ago.  Some how a person was able to obtain my debit card number (which never left my wallet) and tried to order several gift cards online, but my bank caught it immediately, no charges went though and they sent me a new card.    Identity theft is a HUGE problem and one of the fastest growing segments of crime today.

Has your identity been stolen?  I am asking in a spiritual sense, now.  Once we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we are given a new identity.  Our identity is now in Christ.  One of the biggest lies the enemy tries to feed us is that we are NOT different, we haven't changed or are not in process of change.  This is one lie he tries repeatedly on all of us.  The way to combat lies is with the truth.


Before Christ we were:

DAMNED- Isaiah 13:9, "See, the day of the Lord is coming—a cruel day, with wrath and fierce anger —to make the land desolate and destroy the sinners within it."

SICK- Mark 2:17, 'On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”  (In the Greek sick means miserable, ill, wrong)

LOST- Luke 19:10, " For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.”

SINNERS needing JESUS- Acts 22:16, 'And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.’  Romans 3:23, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

When we repent, ask and receive Jesus as our Savior we are:

FORGIVEN- Acts 10:43, "All the prophets testify about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”

COVERED- Romans 4:7, "Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered."

REDEEMED- Ephesians 1:7, "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace"  Colossians 1:13-14, "For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves,  in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

MADE ALIVE- Ephesians 2:4-5, "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,  made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions —it is by grace you have been saved."

OUT of DARKNESS and INTO LIGHT- Ephesians 5:8, "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light."

WIPED CLEAN- Hebrews 10:17-19, “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.  Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus...."

MADE WELL- HEALED- James 5:15-16, "And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."  (Cure means to be free from errors, make whole)

Do you believe that is your Identity?  If you have made Jesus Lord of your life, then you are 100% forgiven, covered, redeemed, alive, out of darkness, a clean slate, made whole and healed of your past.  Don't believe the enemy when he tries to convince you the lie that you are too dirty, too sinful, no different, not worthy, not valued, loved or chosen by God. 

Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:

While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

When you come out of the darkness and into the light you are justified by the blood of Christ.  To be justified means your are declared, pronounced to be just, righteous, or made the way you ought to be. 

Before we asked for forgiveness and turned from our sinful ways we were dead men walking.  We were sick, miserable, improper, wrong...and that is putting it mildly.  Jesus died on the cross to set us free from our pasts, our sins, failures, mistakes, and overall selfishness.  Romans 8:1-2, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Are you living like a free person with peace of mind or are you living like the condemned being constantly tormented by your past?  Romans 5:1, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,   through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. "

If you have received this grace you are free to live your life in freedom.  It is like asking to be released from death row, Jesus paids your penalty, opens the door, but you stay put in your cell! 


You have been released!  Galatians 5:1, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

You have been made new.  2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

Your life has now been sealed with God's brand!  2 Corinthians 1:22 "He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

You are now a guarenteed citizen of heaven!!!  Philippians 3:18-20 "For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.    Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.   But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."

I just love the example of Saul renamed Paul (Acts 9).  He persecuted and murdered the first new testament believers and was a destroyer of the early church.  He was changed by a personal meeting with Jesus on the road to Damascus.  He repented and turned from his evil ways and was sure of his salvation and forgiveness. 

(From http://christianity.about.com/od/biblestorysummaries/a/Conversion-Of-Paul.htm)
Paul's life-changing experience on the Damascus Road led to his baptism and instruction in the Christian faith. He became the most determined of the apostles, suffering brutal physical pain, persecution, and finally martyrdom. He revealed his secret of enduring a lifetime of hardship for the gospel:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

????? The same Jesus Christ who rose from the dead and did such a mighty work in Paul wants to work in my life too. What could Jesus do if I surrendered as Paul did and gave him complete control of my life?

????? If Saul, an enemy of God, can be forgiven and called a child of God couldn't I be given the same opportunity and grace?

Listen to Paul's own words on the topic: 

1 Timothy 1:12-17, "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service.  Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief.   The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.  Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners —of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.   Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

My prayer for you is that once you have turned to Jesus that you will recieve the grace of God and walk in the assurance of your freedom!!!

Determining your Worth....

Value...what do you value?  What are your valuables?  Do you have certain 'values' you live by. Maybe you value a sense of community, your children, home, or relationships.  Value as defined by dictionary.com is this:

VALUE (noun)-
1.relative worth, merit, or importance.

2. monetary or material worth, as in commerce or trade.

3. the worth of something in terms of the amount of other things it can be exchanged for.

4. estimated or assigned worth.

I was meditating on this concept yesterday.  Thoughts of times I have tried to assign my own value or worth as well of times I have allowed others to define my sense of value came springing to my mind.  How easily we can go from being confident and feeling valuable to a feeling of worthlessness by hearing a harsh or critical word.  Everyone has some desire to feel valuable.  No one wants to be alone or unimportant.  On some level we all desire to feel needed, smart, or like our lives have made some difference in the world around us.  This deep rooted drive to have value assigned to us can make us needy people-pleasers as we seek our value from human relationships.  We can also be on the other side of the spectrum in a flash assigning a value or worth on another person, fetus, drug addict......you see where this is going. 

I have heard countless times the saying, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  Value is the same way.  Just look on an EBAY auction and watch people try to assign worth to something.  The seller wants to get all they can, the buyer wants to get it for the least possible.  They are at odds with each other, both sides looking at it from their vantage point.  I do not think people can be unbiased judges of worth.  We need an outside perspective and who better than the One who created you in the first place?

Worth or value of a soul is not determined by a person, unless that person is Christ.  Defining value with our definition above and through the eyes of God gives you the relative worth of your life, merit or importance, assigned worth of your soul in terms of an amount exchanged for you....you were so valuable to God that He sent His only Son to die for you and pay the ultimate price, the maximum amount- all of it -to restore you to Him.  That makes you very valuable, a person created with much worth and importance to the Creator of the Universe.  

The world tries to devalue life, get you to devalue yourself, or take what is valuable in God's sight and make it depreciate.  We cannot not afford to believe the lies. 

A person's value is not determined on another person's appraisal. 

A person's value is determined by the price Jesus was willing to pay....

and He paid it ALL for YOU!!!! 

John 3:16,  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

1 John 3:16, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."

Deuteronomy 6:7, "For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession."

Matthew 6:21, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

1 Peter 3:3-4, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."

 Amos 4:13, "He who forms the mountains, creates the wind, and reveals his thoughts to man, he who turns dawn to darkness, and treads the high places of the earth— the LORD God Almighty is his name."

Psalm 139:13-18a, "For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,  I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from youwhen I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

 How precious to O God!  How vast is the sum of them!

 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand."

Just another ordinary day.....

After my last post I received several comments of appreciation for my honesty in what an ordinary day looks like for us.  I was also asked to blog it again, so today felt pretty normal....why not!  Here goes:

7:10 am- Mike is away on a business trip so I woke up with Shelby's sweet hand on my neck.  I slipped out of bed at the sound of Mariah jumping in her crib yelling Mama.

7:15 am- I was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee, checking my emails, changing Mariah's diaper and enjoying some one on one cuddle time with the youngest girl in the house.

7:30 am- baby #1 is fed and playing as I begin to clean up the living room and kitchen of the night before's mess.  I pray, more like a conversation than anything which helps me begin thinking about my day, what I want to accomplish vs. what I need to accomplish.

7:35 am- I decide I need a second cup of coffee with my beet, carrot, chocolate doughnut.  (See other blog for recipe) 

7:59 am- Shelby realizes I am gone and is now standing in the kitchen wrapped up in her blankie demanding her breakfast.  I smile and take a swig of coffee before I remind her that she knows where the pantry is.  (Something I learned after child #3 was to  teach them to make instant oatmeal from the hot water tap on the water cooler.  It is a survival skill all 4 year olds should learn.)

8:03 am- I am cleaning up the instant oatmeal and water from the floor.

8:15 am- Gabe comes up the stairs.  He hugs me, grabs a bowl, spoon and packet of instant oatmeal.  No words expressed, no demands made, with all the maturity of a 6 year old he makes his own breakfast....I think there is hope, yet.

8:45 am- David emerges from the basement dressed in full winter apparel.  I remind him that today will be 83 degrees, he takes off one layer.  I shrug my shoulders and eat another veggie doughnut.

9 am- Micah is heard in the background, "ba-na-na-na-na-na".  I ask David to go get him for me as I wipe off the dinner from the highchairs.  I check my fb, post a pithy status, ask Gabe to feed the dog, throw some scattered clothing down the stairs, start the dishwasher, check my pocket calendar, clean up oatmeal from the table and take out the trash...all before David returns with his youngest brother.

9:12 am- Lindsey comes up the stairs.  I announce to everyone that the van will be leaving in 18 minutes to take Shelby to her skating lesson and ask her to get dressed as I walk to my room gathering shoes as I go.  I toss them all in pile by the front door and wake up Briana to babysit the rest while I am gone. 

9:35 am- Shelby and I are in the car headed to the rink when I remember I haven't charged my phone in days.  I am low on battery and my fb status is texting me....taunting me with frivolous energy it is wasting.

10:03 am- we arrive at the rink.  Shelby goes out on the ice and I go to the office to complete the details of a hockey fundraising idea I have volunteered myself for.  I don't know why I volunteered myself and as I walk away I start to feel slightly crazy, but shake it off and carry on, happily.

10:45 am- after a short chit chat with Shelby's coach we are headed home to pick up kids for National Day of Prayer.  Shelby finishes her 2nd sausage burrito (see other blog) and tries to convince me she is still hungry.

11:15 am- I tell all the kids that are going to get in the car.  The babies start to fuss, Briana volunteers to stay home so they can nap, Shelby slams the door and calls me a meanie for not giving her more food, Lindsey quietly gets into the car, Gabe fills his pockets with 34 matchbox cars to play with during prayer, David says he is staying home to help Briana because he is too hot (remember he is in winter clothes) and I grab a water bottle and Greek yogurt remembering I haven't eaten breakfast yet.  I finally plug in my phone (that is now completely dead) and leave the pouting Shelby at home.

11:30-12:15 - we joined others in our community for National Day of Prayer.  It was so wonderful.  It was so relaxing.   It was beautiful weather and I was able to catch up with old friends.  I was sitting in the sunlight wishing I had brought them all, but after and hour I was thankful I just had Gabe and Lindsey to keep up with.

12:30-1:30 I decided, since I only had two kids with me, I would run into the grocery store and use up some great coupons before they expire.  Gabe talks me into a "real" doughnut from the bakery.  We ate them in the car so no one else would know.

2 pm- I am home unpacking groceries when the kids inform me that Shelby was a terror while I was gone.  She is sweetly sitting at the table acting innocent, studying my face and I am sure planning an exit strategy.  Come to find out she was furious that I had left her and she kept running outside on the driveway.  Briana put on the house alarm to keep up with her, but eventually ADT called to make sure everything was okay after several alarm triggers.  David answered the call and he unfortunately didn't know the secret password, therefore alerting 911 and the police were soon knocking at our front door.  They inspected the house, saw the kids were okay and left. 

2:04 pm- I picked my jaw up off the kitchen floor and thought I was so glad I didn't have my cell phone on me during prayer.  Briana agreed.  She deserves a raise.

2:05-3pm- I was on the phone with a friend sharing our crazy lives with one another. 

3-3:30 I watched babies play in the splash pool on the deck.  I decided it was not productive enough, so I gave the option to the teenagers to babysit or finish mowing the lawn.  They decided to sit on the deck by the splash pool...I got to mow the rest of the lawn.  It's okay, it is quiet on the lawn tractor (a different kind of quiet.)

5:00- 5:07 -I jumped in the shower and got redressed for the rink.  I told Shelby to get out of her swimsuit, because I wasn't leaving her at home this time.

5:30 Briana drove us to Gabe's hockey practice after a slight detour to buy movie tickets for the midnight premier of Avengers.

6pm-  At the rink I was able to sit still for an hour and just watch my boy skate.  I made Shelby sit right next to me the whole time.  She kept telling me she loved me, my little firecracker.

7:40 pm- we were on our way home when Briana stopped the car to take a picture of the coolest clouds with her IPOD.

8:02 pm- we pulled into Papa Murphy's for pizza....they closed at 8, seriously.  We turned around and ran through Taco Bell and grabbed a 12 pack of tacos.  Gabe was not impressed.  He wanted pizza.

8:35 pm- we are home and put on the movie (We bought a Zoo) rented from the Red Box at the grocery store.  I didn't even cry until the end of it, I thought I would make it without crying, oh well. 

10:36 pm- Gabe and Shelby asked several questions about mommies dying.  They both laid their heads on my lap and we talked about appreciating everyday we have to breathe here on this earth.  We also talked about the importance of telling those you love that you love them.

11pm- everyone is in bed (except for Briana who facebooked that she was at the theater with friends for the midnight show)  I decided to write a blog to help me stay up until she gets home.

12 midnight- I am feeling like today was pretty ordinary.  My mom visited a few months ago and said that she is exhausted just watching me.  I understand after looking at this list, but I prefer to think that I am just a 'high capacity' person. 

The truth is that we are all busy in our own way.  We place value on what we love and we invest our time accordingly.  I adore my family.  I have a lot of people to invest in.  It takes up most of my time and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

When I look back at my childhood I don't see piles of laundry or dishes I see Candyland and Chutes and Ladders in the basement, sledding down the hill with my brothers, singing with my daddy and shopping for the perfect dress for a dance with my mother.  Relationships are what we carry in our memories, the good, the bad and the ugly.   Sometimes it is good to stop and think about where our time is being invested.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  Matthew 6:21