Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.
This is the scene that was played out on my couch last night. Mike was enjoying poking fun at me and remembering a cheesy (but humorous) movie from our youth. We laughed and laughed at my expense. It was funny, because it is true. I have a feeling I will be hearing these lines for a very long time!
Yesterday after church I sat down to plan for our week. I got out my calendar and organized everyone's schedules, began deciding on meals, and making my lists. I had already chosen all the meals and afterwards I asked Mike, "Do you have any requests? Anything in particular sound good to you for this week?"
*As a side note, the reason why I did the list first is because he hardly ever has a suggestion or opinion on what we eat. I am left with the challenge to make a variety of meals that pleases everyone and still ends up healthy and balanced. Okay....with that being said I can now present the rest of the story :)
He said, "I would like a casserole." Then he said, "Yeah a casserole like tuna noodle, or your best is Chicken a'la King."
So I say, "Okay...okay. That sounds good."
I should be flattered, but this is what I hear in my head, "I already made the list and it will satisfy all my picky eaters and the only place I could put a casserole is on Mon. where I have chili which will be a pot big enough to feed us and the Korczak's. Oh, that means I can invite them over after the volleyball game...and it is dairy free for Riley. Okay, got it all figured out!" So I ask him "How about chili?" To which he answers, "I like your chili, but I LOVE Chicken A'la King."
"Okay." I say, "Chili it is!" He was cracking up all night and kept poking me and rewinding the tape on my words. Mike was quoting Airplane and pointing to my list! He really got a kick out of it, and I was less than amused! I went and did my shopping, (Guess what? I bought all the ingredients for my chili and no tuna, no chicken, no a'la King anything!)
After the kids went to bed we sat on the couch and were talking. Of course it came up again! We were cracking up at the absurdity of the scene and I finally understood the real problem. Mike is the leader of our house, and I, at times refuse to submit. Oh no, I said it...Yeah, you heard me! That dirty little "S" word. Submission is my greatest challenge. I am as bad at it as you can get. Don't get me wrong, I can do it whenever I want. The problem is I do it whenever I want! We talked about it. I told him I was sorry and I would try to work on submitting. He teased me some more about my issue with submitting to authority and said to me, "This isn't a new revelation, Shelli!"
After 15 years of marriage surely I would know a thing or two about submission! SURELY...and my name isn't Shirley!!! Truth be told, I know only what I want to about submission and I am the proud poster child of the Strong Willed Woman! So I woke up this morning with a desire to seek God's heart on submission and I went straight to His word.
"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission." 1 Tim 2:11 The King James uses the word subjection. It is "hupotage" and means the act of subjecting or obedience.
Colossions 3:18 tells wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love and be kind to their wives.
Ephesians 5:22-33 paints a beautiful picture of the marriage between man and woman as it reflects the relationship between Christ and the church, His bride. "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Eph 25:22-24) **
**It is important to understand that this doesn't mean sin. This passage is describing a marriage being like the church's relationship with Christ, and as a wife is to her husband. That would mean we are to follow our husband's leadership and authority as it pertains to godliness. If your husband is leading you into sin (i.e.-sexual or immoral) you are not required to submit to that.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Eph 5:25-33
I noticed something in the order of the commands. The wife was instructed first to subjection, submission, or reverence to the husband. If we fail on the first point the rest is in jeopardy. Next, the husband is told how to relate to the wife. I would like to suggest that they are connected and dependant on one another. As a wife when you show respect and follow the leadership of your husband he will naturally show you love and kindness and will actually step up and lead. Also, your kids will see the example of subjection and will follow and obey you both. Then this passage ends with a final, "you must" to both husband and wife. You must is what signals to us that they are dependant on one another, required if you will.
Planning out a week's worth of meals may seem trivial, but my refusal to hear Mike's request or even consider his opinion was a symptom to a much bigger issue, submission. I am not exactly sure of how this will play out in the next few months, but I am going to take a good hard look and stare submission square in the face! I may not know what it does look like, but I do know what it doesn't look like. It is not cruel or selfish. Submitting to your husband does not mean you have no say or are unable to speak up. It does not mean that you are a doormat or are unequal in his or God's eyes. But, it does means that when I ask, "What do you want for dinner?" I will respect the answer. Should be an interesting journey! I know Mike is excited at the prospect!
Excuse me.....I have to go pull my Chicken, for the a'la King, out of the oven.
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