A Day We Will Never Forget.......

Tuesday, September 21st 6:00am.....

Well, I sit here in the hospital alone. The nurses are giving me quite time, my kids are sleeping over with grandparents, my husband is hopefully getting rest in a clean and silent house. I stare at the teddy bear and blanket representing the only possessions my baby boy will ever have. As I reflect over the weekend full of sadness and pain, the sun rises reminding me it is the dawn of a new day. I know many of our friends and family have so many questions as to what happened and why. I would like to share with you a few details and how we are processing it all.

Last Thursday I started to feel a bit 'off' and I felt a few cramps that I decided must be Braxton Hicks and brushed it off. Friday I felt a sharp pain in my heart, but thought maybe I was just needing to slow down. I woke up in the middle of the night with my pulse and heart racing. I was able to calm down quickly and went back to sleep. Saturday night I woke up with a jolt from a dead sleep, my heart was pounding, I started to feel dizzy and almost passed out. I scrambled over to Mike and woke him up. He quickly put me in the car and rushed me to the ER. I had a CAT scan and EKG which ruled out a blood clot. They couldn't find a heartbeat on the baby and then we knew and feared the worst. An ultrasound confirmed that the baby had passed away in between the 17-18th week. The doctor couldn't explain the pain in my chest or elevated pulse that had woken me up. He said it must have been a 'higher power' telling me something was wrong. I feel he was right, because I never had it happen again after that.

We spent all day Sunday grieving and wondering why this had happened. I began to mentally prepare for my worst nightmare....I had to go in the next morning and give birth to our stillborn son. My sweet and wonderful friend Kristin, an OB nurse, offered to come up and guide us through the difficult day. She was incredible and we were so blessed to have her there by our side. Mike's mom Jan also came to love and support us every step of the way. Every person we met, from techs, to docs, to food service staff were sensitive and attended to our every need. No one that came into our room left without a tear in their eye. They felt our pain and shared in our sorrow as if we were their own loved ones. We felt completely wrapped in love, something I know so many of you had prayed specifically for us. Thank you from the bottom of my aching heart....thank you!

I must admit it was an agonizing waiting game. It took 13 hours for my body to give up the pregnancy. I felt mentally prepared for when to moment arrived but was so frightened of how I would handle it when we first saw him. It wasn't scary, but sweet. He looked so fragile and peacefully still. After all was done and the staff gave us time alone with our precious baby I remembered the last ultrasound I saw just a couple of weeks ago. He was rolling and bouncing and looked so happy in my tummy. I turned to Mike with tear stained face and said, "Levi went from happy to happier." I realized that I had peace through turmoil....love through heartbreak....and experienced healing through my pain. Only the Great God of Heaven and Earth can accomplish a miracle like that. My Father in Heaven knew exactly what I needed. He knew I needed to see, hold and say goodbye to little Levi Benjamin. He knew it would take getting me past 17 weeks to be able to do that. My question of "Why God...I made it so far...why?" was answered in that moment.

I will continue to trust the Lord with all my heart. I understand fully that He has a perfect plan and purpose for us all. Everything we go through has meaning. I will see Levi again, just not this side of heaven. Yesterday will have to hold me until then. When we are united the next time there will be no more tears or sadness...only joy. I am so thankful for how tender and sweet God cared for and carried us yesterday. Thank you for walking this journey with us. We are truly blessed.

Truly Beautiful Tea Party

At the beginning of summer Lindsey asked me what God's idea of beauty was. She knew it wasn't what the world saw as beautiful and she felt like she wasn't measuring up to it anyway. I told her the first place to look is the Bible.

I started writing Lindsey a daily Bible study that would help answer her questions and address a bunch more that would help her at this critical point in her development. Around the same time our church announced a father/son Bible study that would go on over the summer. The question immediately followed, "Well, what about the moms and daughters?"

I instantly saw an opportunity to minister to more families than our own. I finished the 4 week study, we self published it in workbook form and and promised a beautiful tea at the end of summer. (The boys got to go on a father/son camp out to finish theirs).

So here are the pics from our event. We had a beautiful time, turnout, and I presented a short message on inner beauty. The girls were lovely, the food was nothing short of incredible and the fellowship was sweet. The teapot cake was a hit and a special touch to a special day. I can now breathe a sigh of relief that the summer went as planned and families are studying the Word of God together. All things that put a smile on my face as I walk forward, ready for the next project! To HIM be all the GLORY!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet Shelby Lyn

We are celebrating Shelby's third birthday today and it has sent me down memory lane! She has filled our life with smiles and joy, tears and tantrums, Princesses and ponies, and laughter from her winning personality. Shelby is quick to call you a "Mr. Potatohead" if you call her a ham, which she very much is! Never the less, her entrance into this world was as attention getting as her smile is today. I went back and found the letter I wrote to put in her birth announcement.....here it is.

"Shelby's story is especially remarkable and I wanted to share fully with our loved ones the journey our family has been on the past few months. Around Valentines Day we knew we were pregnant by the clammy complexion on my face and lack of appetite. Our first 12 weeks were pretty normal, and by now we just expect for me to be super sick! At 16 weeks we breathed a sigh of relief thinking we were past the worst of it...how wrong we were!

I got up one morning to make the kids breakfast and was stunned with blood that ran down my legs. I called immediately and the doctor sent me right up to the hospital. I called Mike at work and tried to prepare him and the girls for the worst. I remember thinking that there was NO WAY a baby could survive with the amount of blood I was losing. To my shock, (and everyone else's as well) all the tests and ultrasound showed a happy and thriving baby. My doctor said she could see the blood pouring from the placenta and she was sure it was an abruption. She prepared us that we would not know if the baby could survive or it the placenta would start unraveling for at least 2 weeks.

I was put on complete bed rest and stayed in bed until the bleeding slowed and finally stopped 6 weeks later. It would occasionally come back for a few days at a time, off and on the rest of the pregnancy. When I was doing well, I felt confident. When I had a bad bleeding day or week I worried that I would lose her. I had weekly appointments, stress tests, and ultrasounds to watch Shelby's progress. Every time to my amazement, she looked great and even seemed to be developing at a faster rate than normal! I spent most of my days in bed praying, for Shelby, everyone and everything I could think of. I had a lot of time to think, wonder, and wait. (It was a time of depending completely on God and looking back on it all now, it was a precious time.)

At 35 weeks and 5 days my doctors decided that she was ready and they didn't want to risk it anymore. They sent me up to the hospital around 2:30pm, broke my water and I was holding her at 8:50pm. My delivery was normal, calm, and a joyous end to a very long journey. All are things we prayed for faithfully and hoped on daily."

So here I am in 2010 and we know now that I have a blood clotting disorder. We think that Shelby's abruption was caused by a clot that burst a vein in the placenta, and because the placenta cannot heal it stayed an opening that bled off and on the entire pregnancy. God used that journey to draw us closer and closer to Him. She is here in all her glory and is a constant reminder to me and all who know her story that miracles really do happen.

Happy Birthday Shelby Lyn.....you are an AMAZING gift!!!!

aLL AboArD ThE ROLLer CoaSTEr thAT is mY LiFe!

Okay, so I am not always so strong as I make it seem! This weekend panic hit me that I was 15 weeks and not feeling a baby move yet. I started to feel better and less nauseous, which most people would welcome, but not me. For me it was a sure sign that things were not going well. I spent most of the weekend in deep, deep prayer. I counted down the hours till my appointment on Monday at noon, 36 hours down to 1. I do not want to know how anxious I would have been had I not prayed all weekend, because by the time I walked into the office I was a nervous wreck. My friend Meg called me 10 minutes before my apt. and said, "You in the waiting room? Let's pray!" She prayed for God to let the doctors find the heartbeat quickly this time, to ease my mind, and bring me peace. I, of course agreed with that prayer.

They called my name and I walked back to find out where everything stood. My heart was pounding and my blood was racing. I told the doc that I was nervous and why and she said, "Let's not wait, but hear that heartbeat." She listened and listened. As each minute clicked by the tension grew. I was praying in my head, "Come on God...didn't You hear our prayer 10 minutes ago? Why can't this EVER be easy?" She finally gave up and said she was going to schedule me an ultrasound STAT. I stopped her and asked her if she could please just try listening on my side (remember my dream at 13 weeks?). She said, "Of course. I will do WHATEVER you want!" She put the Doppler on my side and guess what? We heard it....then it disappeared! I smiled and said, "Yep, that is exactly what happened to me last time!" She looked shocked and I explained how God told me in a dream to listen there and that at my last apt. when the doc left the room I picked up the Doppler and heard it for myself. Her jaw was still on the floor at this point and then she started pacing! She kept looking at me in disbelief and said, "We heard it right? I mean your pulse is 97 and this just registered at 135 and 140 on the Doppler. We heard the baby, right? Well Shelli, are you satisfied with that?" I smiled at her and said, " I know we heard the baby, Doctor, but the question is are YOU satisfied?" She said she was, but wanted me to go get the ultrasound anyway.

They called around and gave me a few times and places to choose from. I picked the radiology dept. in McHenry a bit of a drive away. I remembered there was a really sweet ultrasound tech there that I had the privilege to meet during one of our miscarriages. I remembered her to be very kind and compassionate with Mike and I, even crying with us and hugging me as I left. So off I drove hoping she would be there that day.....and she was!

I told Casey why I was there and why I chose to see her that day. She was touched and said, "Enough talk, let's find your baby's heartbeat!" She found it immediately and flipped on the sound so I could see and hear it. She went on to show me the spine, 4 chambers of the heart, bladder, kidneys, legs, arms, fingers and even toes! I asked her if she could see anything else while she was at it.....like what the gender was and to my surprise she saw that too! She smiled and said, "There it is, Shelli. You are now tied 3 & 3, it is a boy!" I instantly cried. How sweet...how special...what a privilege it was to know that we are having another son! I thanked her again and reminded her again that she ROCKS!!!! We said our goodbyes. I was on my way, cell phone in hand, ready to call and share the good news with all those waiting to hear with white knuckles sitting by the phone!

So here is the lesson, Loved Ones.....we pray....God answers. Okay, it is even a bit more than that. God answers His way! And I thank Him for that. If He had answered my way (quick and easy heartbeat) I would have missed the bigger blessing. I needed to see the details of our baby's growth. I needed to know that everything was developing perfectly to have true peace of mind these next few months. God knew that quick just wouldn't cut it for me in the long haul. He answered His way and I was blessed above and beyond.

I know it can sometimes feel like He isn't moving fast enough or hearing us at all....but I am here to tell you that He does hear you and His timing is perfect. Do not give up Dear Ones. Philippians 4:6 tells us to submit EVERYTHING in prayer, that means He can impact EVERYTHING. He hears you....He hears you....He hears you!!!

Psalm 5:3, "In the morning O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."

I am one bold chicken.....

Today was just one of those days when you know it is screaming..."Blog ME!" Alot has happened since my last entry. First of all I wrote and published a girls Bible study on Biblical Beauty, made 17 dresses for the girls' ice show, helped organize a ministry that blessed 1,021 people with the Free Garage Sale, and oh yeah, we became pregnant for the 10th time somewhere in all that too!

So for those of you trying to name them all, let me help refresh your memories.

#1 Briana, almost 14
#2 Lindsey, almost 12
#3 David, 7 yesterday
#4 James, (died at 15 weeks)
#5 Gabriel, 5 this month
#6 Shelby, 3 next month
#7 Jonathon, (died at 13 weeks)
#8 Josiah, (died at 11 weeks)
#9 Madelyn, (died at 10 weeks)
#10 is now 13 weeks and still growing.....

After the second miscarriage my doctors started searching for a reason. They found I have a rare blood clotting disorder called Prothrombin Factor II. Basically, when the pregnancy hormones increase in my body so does the clotting factor in the blood stream causing the blood to become too thick for the baby to get what it needs to grow. In pregnancy #9 they put me on one shot per day of Lovenox (the minimum dose), but it wasn't enough. This time they are trying 2 shots per day (the maximum dose) and so far it is working.

So here we are at 13 weeks. It is a very important and difficult doctor appointment for me. I have been thinking and thinking about this day since the pregnancy test showed up positive. For the past 2 nights I have had the same dream: that they would not find the heartbeat. Jesus was there and He instructed me to a spot on my left side to hear it. Crazy right? This morning I woke up nervous. I knew that by the end of the day I would have heard the baby's heartbeat or not. I took a deep breath and stepped out of bed to see what this day holds.

I dropped the kids off at Grandma's and headed to the doctor's office. My doctors are all very patient and sweet. We have had a long history together and they know me well. She came in and said, "Okay, this is it....Let's see where we are today." She tried and tried, but couldn't find the heartbeat. She kept readjusting the Doppler. I kept praying, "Please God have mercy on me and let me hear the baby." I thought about my dream and wondered if I should tell this professional doctor whom I trusted how to do her job. What would I say? Jesus told me in a dream?? Would she think I was nuts???

In the end, I chickened out and didn't tell her. She gave up after almost 15 minutes of trying and said, "We need peace of mind, let me find you an ultrasound appointment."

So she left me in the room by myself....kind of. I was there praying when I saw out of the corner of my eye the Doppler machine. I wondered, just wondered if I could figure that thing out. I boldly walked over to it and thought, "Let's just see if it was a meaningless dream or was God instructing me?"

I lifted my shirt, turned it on, and placed it on the spot on my left side. Within 5 seconds I heard the baby's heartbeat! I couldn't believe it! Seriously? Now what? Do I tell them to come hear? Is that really it? I have learned the sound now after all these pregnancies and for 15 minutes I had just listened to my own pulse. But, this was a baby's heartbeat, twice as fast and lighter in tone than mine. I stood there in shock, listening. About 20 sec. went by and then it was gone. I tried to find it again, but no luck.

Was that a gift just for me? Do I call the doctor back in and tell her what I did and try to find it again? Do I go to the ultrasound anyway? Just as I was trying to decide on what to do, the nurse came in and announced that the hospital was waiting for me and to get over there right away. So I did.

I drove in silence....a smile on my face and joy in my heart. Week 13 is difficult for me, but not today. Today God surprised me in a beautiful way. He let me hear with my own ears the heartbeat of my baby. The ultrasound was not stressful at all, but sweet. The baby looked joyful as it bounced and rolled inside me like it was on a trampoline.

I do not know what the next few weeks hold for us, but I know God cares and will be there every step of the way. I will walk it with Him one day at a time.

"This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Get Over Yourself!

The other day my thirteen year old, Briana had a weird moment. She got out of bed quickly and went to brush her hair in the mirror. After brushing her beautiful long thick hair she passed out for a few seconds! It really freaked out her sister who happened to walk by and see it. They came and told me and I, of course checked her over and she was fine. She was actually laughing about it and felt pretty silly. It did worry me a bit so we called Grandma for expert medical advice. She assured me that it happens to people occasionally when they get up to fast. She also said that when you put your arms up all the blood rushes from your head to your hands and can cause you to pass out.

So, I was in church today and was praying when I felt God bring that experience back to my mind. It was like He was showing me how when we lift our hands in worship it is an act of surrender to the Lord. Just like what happened to Briana, raising our hands in worship empties our head of ourselves so we can focus on Him! We don't check out mentally, but we empty our minds of ourselves and focus on the great glorious God who loves us so much! So next time you feel the urge to raise your hands to the Lord, don't fight it! Empty yourself to be filled to overflowing with Him!

Psalm 63:4 "I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands."

Psalm 134:2 "Lift up your hands in the sanctuary and praise the LORD."

1 Tim 2:8 "I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing."

Shelby's Splinter

I am never ceased to be amazed at my children and God's ability to teach me daily lessons through them! The weather has finally warmed up here in NW Illinois and my kids (thanks to their mama's Southern blood) love to run around shoeless! Inevitably that provides the perfect opportunity for splinters to embed in their little feet and hands.

Shelby has a splinter and has been walking around on her tip toe for a week now. Every time I go near it she screams and pulls her foot behind her. She wants to show it to me, she likes to complain about it, she tells everyone she meets about it, lets me put on a Dora band aid, but when it comes time to help her remove it she refuses to let me near. I could force her to let me take it out. I thought about enlisting a large sibling to hold her tight while I dig it out, but I decided to wait and see what happens. Everyday I build a little more trust and tell her I want to help her. Everyday I soak her in the tub hoping to loosen and soften the skin around it. And then I wait.....

So do YOU have a splinter like Shelby? Something you are carrying or tiptoeing around? A hurt that you feel each time you take a step. Do you have a pain you are sharing with your family or friends, but every time someone tries to get close or help you retreat? God wants to help you, but He won't force you. He is patiently waiting, watching you soak, building your trust, and is ready to remove the source of your pain and heal you. Don't wait until it is infected and oozing, let Him near and let the healing begin.

Gotta go, Shelby is ready to get out of the tub. Maybe today is the day!

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Driver's ED (for Christians)

Before you start your engines:
Know where you are going- Do you know where you are headed? Don't wander through life, but have a focused approach and plan so you do not get lost.
Use your GPS- the Bible is our best tool for the journey, it tells us where we are and how to get to our destination. If you hit a "traffic jam" or "bad weather" it can direct you safely around it. If you do get lost a GPS will help you find your way back on the path.
Check your tires- assessing your vehicle is critical to a good start. Our vehicle is our body and we are to care for our temple. A flat tire can seriously slow down our progress.
Check your mirrors- take a good hard look at yourself. God looks at our heart condition and we need to, as well.
Change your oil- after introspection, what needs to change? Is there sludge or gunk building up inside of us?

While you are driving:
Focus and keep your eyes on the road- You don't drive by looking out the right and left window! Stop looking at your neighbor and pay attention to what you are doing or you will crash!
Avoid distractions- cell phones(unbalanced social life), texting(spontaneous interruptions), putting on lipstick(focusing on worldly standards or acceptance) are all traps set to cause a collision.
Always wear your seat belt- staying close to God will help protect you and keep you from flying out the car window in a crash!

Getting back on the road:
If you get lost- call out to God, the Ultimate OnStar!
Run out of gas- call out to God, the Awesome Provider!
End up in a ditch- call out to God, the Complete Triple A!
Hit a tree- call out to God, the Mighty Tow Truck!
Crash into another- go to God, the Loving Restorer!

I know this is may seem a bit silly, but the other day I was driving and thought back on my Drivers Ed experience and saw this parallel with the Christian experience. Having an "almost ready to drive" child in the car I thought of all the Biblical truths I could share with her when she will be focused on learning the rules of the road.

I challenge you to think about your journey next time your in the car and see if God brings to your mind other intersections where you can draw a line connecting your spiritual journey to a physical one. I never did learn to parallel park...but God isn't done with me yet!

Scripture for study:
Psalm 25
Proverbs 15:19
2 Tim 3:16
1 Cor 6:19
1 Sam 16:7
1 John 1:9
Matthew 7:1-3
1 John 2:15-16
Rom 12:2
Psalm 31:4
Psalm 34:6
Matt 9:27-30
Luke 19:10
1Pet 4:11
Isaiah 58:12

EARTHQUAKE!!!

Like many people in our area, this morning I awoke around 4am to rattling and shaking! NW IL had an aftershock from an earthquake! Of course this gave us excuse from the normal homeschool activities and reason to start lap packs and a unit study! Here are a few links we used if anyone is interested.

Earthquake confirmation and data reporting:

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/us2010snay.php

Free Lap pack printables on earthquakes:

http://www.homeschoolshare.com/earthquakes.php

Enchanted Learning printables on the earth's crust:

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/geology/label/outerlayers/answers.shtml

Kid's science video and info "Ruff Ruffman style":

http://www.sciencebuddies.org/science-fair-projects/project_ideas/CE_p023.shtml

Ring of Fire Volcanic strip:

http://geography.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=geography&cdn=education&tm=27&gps=125_46_1259_631&f=10&su=p897.6.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//vulcan.wr.usgs.gov/Glossary/PlateTectonics/Maps/map_plate_tectonics_world.html

We also did a keyword search and discussed many scriptures on earthquakes in the Bible. ( www.biblegateway.com )

Be Inspired!

Birth of a Baby Elephant...

Last week I was listening on Moody to a sermon in which the pastor was preaching about how it seems sometimes to Christians, (especially new Christians), that everything hits them at once. He was talking about how it feels sometimes like you are getting hit from every side and just as you try to get up you get knocked down again. He gave the analogy of a baby giraffe being born. He described it somewhat like this:

When a baby giraffe is born it falls from the mother 10 ft. to the ground...BAM! Then the mother goes over to the baby on the ground and kicks it....BAM...and it begins to wake up. In a few moments it takes it's first few breaths and then...BAM...the mother kicks it again! In the first 5 minutes it starts to stand up and if it is wobbly the mother goes over and again kicks it....BAM! The mother knows that the baby has to get up and start walking in the first 15 minutes if it is going to be able to survive. The mother knows that there are lions on the way to devour the newly born calf.

Likewise our Heavenly Father knows that there is a lion, the devil, on the prowl. He is seeking new Christians, old Christians, weak Christians, and pre-Christians, just waiting to attack and rip them apart. So God, lovingly, kicks you...BAM! "Get up!" He says, "Get moving" He says! "I am trying to equip you...BAM, protect you...BAM, and strengthen you or you will not survive!"

I had been having a rough week when I heard this message, so did a friend of mine and I called her and told her the story I just heard. I felt it had ministered to me some profound things I needed to hear. When I got home I tried to find a birth of a giraffe online that matched the description I had heard on the radio for us. I couldn't find one and chalked it up to poetic license of the Pastor. "He must have exaggerated it," I rationalized. "He made up a great analogy from nature, but must have stretched it a bit," I thought. Then last night I opened an email from my mother-in-law of a birth of a baby elephant. I couldn't believe my eyes...it matched the analogy from the radio perfectly.

God wakes us up...BAM! He protects us with His body and firmly nudges us to get up...get going..."Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

here is the Elephant birth video....I will say it is quite graphic and if you are sensitive or have small children in the room please use caution!!!

http://www.fwdder.com/player/video/184431/0

and the next time you feel pushed, shoved, or knocked down, remember it could be God's voice saying, "My child get up and get going...I want you to get a head start so you will make it!"

Finding Freedom in the Rocking Chair.

Tonight was one of those nights! Actually the last week has just been one of those weeks. It all started with Lindsey being sick. Every one's schedule has gotten off and several snow days in a row hasn't helped realign the train that has been derailed at our house! Tonight I was letting the kids stay up to see Daddy who was coming home late due to iced roads. By the time he got home the slap happy gene kicked in and we had kids bouncing off the walls.

I finally convinced Shelby that it was bedtime and she followed me with jello legs and alligator arms. I put on her jammies and set her in my lap for our routine cuddle in the rocking chair. She refused to lay her head on my chest and every time she lifted it up to talk to me I stopped rocking her. Look up, no rocking, rocking....she'd looked up....I'd stop...start....stop....start...stop....it went on and on without a word being spoken. Finally, I started laughing because it was so silly. The only rocking that was really going on was Shelby's head going up and down. I never spoke. but just stopped rocking her (which is her favorite thing at bedtime). She finally decided to rest in my arms after a bit of sweet strong will. She snuggled in and closed her eyes and is now fast asleep for the night.

As I was holding her I thought about what true security and freedom really are. We have a need to know that we are safe and sound before peace can settle into our hearts ushering in much needed rest. Many times the only way we feel secure is by testing the boundaries making sure, for sure, for really-really sure that they will not change.

That is a picture of security. Being able to count on something over and over, knowing that it will not change. When we feel secure we are truly free. Freedom does not exist in a world without boundaries. Freedom exists somewhere between wild abandon and you can't do anything at all. Both ends of that spectrum make you a slave to the world or selfishness. Freedom, truly being free, comes by nestling in the Lord's arms and finding peaceful rest.

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him." Psalm 62:1

Measuring a Miracle, One Body Jab at a Time!

How exactly do you measure a miracle? Last December I was the one feeling completely defeated and had lost hope. I had severe back pain, was unable to stand for long periods of time, and couldn't hold Shelby for more than a few minutes. Then on Dec 28th of 2008 I received a miraculous healing. I didn't deserve it. I didn't ask for it. I didn't even believe it at first, but here I am one year later and I am still in awe of what God did for me.

I had a conversation with a friend shortly after the healing and she encouraged me to join a gym and to be responsible for the gift of health God had given me back. So in April I did. It was really difficult at first. I struggled to fit workouts in and make the time to go at all. I started setting myself little goals. I made it through some difficult issues (physical strength, emotional, and 2 miscarriages to name a few). I have been watching the classes from afar, but was intimidated. I tried one and I was able to do it, but didn't really enjoy it. I found my little rut and routine and was quite pleased with myself.

My good friend Kristin started challenging me to do some classes with her. I took to the challenge and today we met for the grand-daddy challenge.....BODY COMBAT! The name just scares you. I watch that class from my cushy elliptical and think "Those people are just plain CRAZY!" Well, today was the day....I joined the CRAZY PEOPLE!!! The first few minutes made me want to scream and I seriously thought about throwing one of those jabs at Kristin and telling her to come find me upstairs later! But, my strong willed nature kicked in and I stuck it out. I was thinking it felt a bit like child labor....once it starts there is no turning back. I have to say by the end of the 1 hour and 7 minutes I actually was enjoying it! It felt very empowering. The instructor was a RIOT. She had us pretend to beat up an invisible man. We punched him in the head, nose, chest, gut, and we would pick him up and drag him to the right or left! That is how I feel the enemy does me sometimes. He punches and jabs at me and tries to drag me around like a little rag doll, but not today!!! Today I finished every kick, every punch, and am living in victory! God healed me. He took a broken mess and has restored me. I know I have to participate and cooperate, but I am no longer the one that is bloody and on the floor! Praise you Lord, I can do ANYTHING through You that strengthens me!

I have given my healing testimony several times, but here it is again:

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with severe, actually one of the worst cases Shriners Children's Hospital in Tampa had ever seen. They even had my parents sign a release for my records and medical pictures to be published in a medical journal. I have an "S" curve, it was 30-40 degrees on the top and 60-68 degrees on the bottom. After a 9 hour surgery, complete with bone grafts from my pelvis and had a 12" stainless steel Harrington Rod fused to my spinal cord my curve was corrected to 20-30 degrees on top and 48 degrees on the bottom. Not the results I was hoping for, but the doctors said to get more of a correction I would have to be 3 inches taller. At least my spinal cord was stabilized and I would not have to worry about it increasing in curvature. I am now 23 years post op and have had no further treatments. I have been able to have 5 children and a very normal life. Starting in my 20's and 30's I started to notice lower back pain creeping up. I would have spasms in my neck and pain that would come and go, sometimes lasting for weeks. After each child was born I noticed I would start to lean forward while walking or standing. I thought I was just tired or lazy. By my 36th birthday I was in excruciating pain. It hurt to stand at the sink and do dishes, it hurt to lie down on my back in bed and I would often wake up with numbness in my arms and legs. I went to my doctor and we decided to start with 3 months of intense message and physical therapy. At the end of 2 months my physical therapist stopped the therapy and told me she was sorry, but I was as good as I was going to get without surgery. I was crushed. I started looking into surgical options and was working on getting into Rush University Hospital for a new treatment for "Flatback Syndrome" that they are known for. Flatback Syndrome happens to people like me with Harrington Rods at about the 20 year mark. They have to go in and remove all the hardware and rebuild your spinal cord with pins and screws. My husband and I decided it was my only hope for a better quality of life. To see pictures of other patients and their before and afters click here: http://www.espine.com/flatback-case.htmThen on December 28th we had a guest pastor preach on healing named Jamie Havens. (Here is the link for that sermon : http://www.woodstockag.org/sermons.php ) He started by telling us about all the healings and miracles that they have seen on crusades. I was listening, but honestly not taking it to seriously. Then he said that he saw a women healed of scoliosis the week before (go forward to 21:30 minutes)...now he had my attention. I instantly started arguing with God. "What do you mean you can heal scoliosis. Not mine, it is beyond repair. Well, wait a minute, I know you can do anything. God do you want to heal me? Is this my moment?" I started to sweat and my heart was racing. I was scared out of my mind. Pastor Jamie asked us to stand up and put our hand on whatever area needed healing (see minute 25:20). So I did, but I was still in unbelief. I was trembling, afraid of the rejection that God may not do it for me. We sat back down and I started checking my body. I instantly noticed that I could feel the entire back of the chair. When I sat in a chair I could only feel the left side, because my spine protruded sticking out on that side. I started shaking, I knew something was different, but I couldn't believe it. I wanted to run out of the church and check my back in the bathroom. I was still not sure if what I thought just happened had really just happened. I waited until the service was over and then I went up to Pastor Jamie and his wife and had individual prayer. By then I was ready and was trusting God for a miracle. I did run out of the church and into the ladies bathroom where I whipped off my sweater and was looking at my back from all different angles. I couldn't tell if I was really healed or not. I walked out to get my coat and 2 of my close friends came running up with tears in their eyes and said, you look awesome. You are not leaning forward at ALL!!!! I played if off and said, "We'll see." I picked up my baby and put her on my hip, something that just the day before I was unable to do, and I knew. God Healed me. I had watched her at my feet crying the day before and I had started crying as well, because I just couldn't hold her and cook dinner at the same time. I made dinner for my family with her between my feet crying mama. Now here I was 24 hours later and I could hold her with no problem and was pain free. I spent the next week staring at myself in mirrors. I had my daughters take pictures of me standing when I wasn't looking to see if they could catch me leaning forward. The last time I did that my daughter handed me the camera and said, "Sorry Mom, but you are straight!" I visited family and friends to check me over and everyone agreed it was a miracle. It has been 6 months and I am still doing great. I do not lean forward anymore. I even had a chest x-ray a few weeks ago and the doctor and radiologist went on and on at how awesome, fantastic, and wonderful I was doing for my condition and years post op. The doctor actually couldn't believe it and kept pushing me to tell him I was in pain, when I am not! I told them the reason for my healing. One believes me, the other does not. Where will you fit in? Will you trust God for your miracle?

Chicken a'la King

Mike's favorite dinner....Chicken a'la King!

Ingredients:

leftover chicken or turkey, chopped
1 can of cream of chicken soup (family size for us)
3/4 of the soup can full of milk
1 - 12oz. package of frozen mixed vegetables

Warm up the chicken/turkey in an iron skillet, add the soup, milk, and mixed vegetables. When it is warm all the way through you can eat over noodles (or our favorite is to make homemade biscuits and spoon the batter on top).

Homemade biscuits

Mix together:

1 cup all purpose flour
2 cups wheat flour
4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. cream of tarter
1/2 tsp. garlic salt
1/2 cup melted butter
1-1/2 cups milk.

Spoon on top of the Chicken a'la King and bake at 425 for 25 minutes or until golden brown. Nothings better than a one dish meal that makes your hubby happy! Enjoy!

My life....it's like a scene from "Airplane".....

Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

This is the scene that was played out on my couch last night. Mike was enjoying poking fun at me and remembering a cheesy (but humorous) movie from our youth. We laughed and laughed at my expense. It was funny, because it is true. I have a feeling I will be hearing these lines for a very long time!

Yesterday after church I sat down to plan for our week. I got out my calendar and organized everyone's schedules, began deciding on meals, and making my lists. I had already chosen all the meals and afterwards I asked Mike, "Do you have any requests? Anything in particular sound good to you for this week?"

*As a side note, the reason why I did the list first is because he hardly ever has a suggestion or opinion on what we eat. I am left with the challenge to make a variety of meals that pleases everyone and still ends up healthy and balanced. Okay....with that being said I can now present the rest of the story :)

He said, "I would like a casserole." Then he said, "Yeah a casserole like tuna noodle, or your best is Chicken a'la King."

So I say, "Okay...okay. That sounds good."

I should be flattered, but this is what I hear in my head, "I already made the list and it will satisfy all my picky eaters and the only place I could put a casserole is on Mon. where I have chili which will be a pot big enough to feed us and the Korczak's. Oh, that means I can invite them over after the volleyball game...and it is dairy free for Riley. Okay, got it all figured out!" So I ask him "How about chili?" To which he answers, "I like your chili, but I LOVE Chicken A'la King."

"Okay." I say, "Chili it is!" He was cracking up all night and kept poking me and rewinding the tape on my words. Mike was quoting Airplane and pointing to my list! He really got a kick out of it, and I was less than amused! I went and did my shopping, (Guess what? I bought all the ingredients for my chili and no tuna, no chicken, no a'la King anything!)

After the kids went to bed we sat on the couch and were talking. Of course it came up again! We were cracking up at the absurdity of the scene and I finally understood the real problem. Mike is the leader of our house, and I, at times refuse to submit. Oh no, I said it...Yeah, you heard me! That dirty little "S" word. Submission is my greatest challenge. I am as bad at it as you can get. Don't get me wrong, I can do it whenever I want. The problem is I do it whenever I want! We talked about it. I told him I was sorry and I would try to work on submitting. He teased me some more about my issue with submitting to authority and said to me, "This isn't a new revelation, Shelli!"

After 15 years of marriage surely I would know a thing or two about submission! SURELY...and my name isn't Shirley!!! Truth be told, I know only what I want to about submission and I am the proud poster child of the Strong Willed Woman! So I woke up this morning with a desire to seek God's heart on submission and I went straight to His word.

"A woman should learn in quietness and full submission." 1 Tim 2:11 The King James uses the word subjection. It is "hupotage" and means the act of subjecting or obedience.

Colossions 3:18 tells wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love and be kind to their wives.

Ephesians 5:22-33 paints a beautiful picture of the marriage between man and woman as it reflects the relationship between Christ and the church, His bride. "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Eph 25:22-24) **

**It is important to understand that this doesn't mean sin. This passage is describing a marriage being like the church's relationship with Christ, and as a wife is to her husband. That would mean we are to follow our husband's leadership and authority as it pertains to godliness. If your husband is leading you into sin (i.e.-sexual or immoral) you are not required to submit to that.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Eph 5:25-33

I noticed something in the order of the commands. The wife was instructed first to subjection, submission, or reverence to the husband. If we fail on the first point the rest is in jeopardy. Next, the husband is told how to relate to the wife. I would like to suggest that they are connected and dependant on one another. As a wife when you show respect and follow the leadership of your husband he will naturally show you love and kindness and will actually step up and lead. Also, your kids will see the example of subjection and will follow and obey you both. Then this passage ends with a final, "you must" to both husband and wife. You must is what signals to us that they are dependant on one another, required if you will.

Planning out a week's worth of meals may seem trivial, but my refusal to hear Mike's request or even consider his opinion was a symptom to a much bigger issue, submission. I am not exactly sure of how this will play out in the next few months, but I am going to take a good hard look and stare submission square in the face! I may not know what it does look like, but I do know what it doesn't look like. It is not cruel or selfish. Submitting to your husband does not mean you have no say or are unable to speak up. It does not mean that you are a doormat or are unequal in his or God's eyes. But, it does means that when I ask, "What do you want for dinner?" I will respect the answer. Should be an interesting journey! I know Mike is excited at the prospect!

Excuse me.....I have to go pull my Chicken, for the a'la King, out of the oven.

If you bought an IPOD today....what color would you choose?

What color of are you? Come on....everyone has a favorite color. You know you do it! When we were in NY last month I noticed it on the subway. Everyone has a color theme. Even guys!!!! There was a woman who had a purple ipod, purple boots, and purple leather purse. There was a guy waiting for the next train with a green backpack, ipod, and jacket. Everyone who knows me knows I am a pink girl! I have pink everything....except the Mary Kay car, although honestly I would if I could! Even my digital camera is pink, sorry Mike! The point is we all tend to go toward a color we indentify as ourselves. It is quite normal I promise.

Today in my Scripture study time I noticed something in Hosea 11:4, "I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love"(NIV). HUMAN kindness. That is huge. God leads His people back through His kindness demonstrated by humans. So, I did a word study on the word "human". Guess what it means? Human. God is so clear isn't He! Here is how the phrases in Hosea 11:4 are translated in other versions:

1. "I led them"- God drew, led, draw's
2. "with cords of human"- man, mankind, human
3. "human kindness"- gentleness, goodness
4. "with ties of love"- bonds of love, ropes of kindness, bands of love, thick cords of love

Hosea 11:4 weaves a beautiful picture for us. God is the One who knits us in our mother's womb (Psalm 139). He does so carefully and thoughtfully. We are each a part of a bigger picture. He uses each thread to compose a beautiful blanket of love for all mankind. I am one of many pink threads in the world that God uses to draw others to Himself. Each time I allow God to pour out His kindness or gentleness into a person he pulls the tapestry tighter forming a bit more of the picture.

For any of you that have ever cross stitched you know that each stitch is not so great by itself, but after a few hundred of them, in different shades, the X's reveal a gorgeous picture for the eye to behold. I think someday when we are allowed to see the entire work we will stand back and be amazed at the view.

So what color thread are you? Are you allowing God to use you in His quilt made up of kindness, love, and gentleness? If you are...you are fullfilling your purpose...to help draw others back to the Artist and Creator.

"True Tales From the Mommyhood"

So today I was running like a chicken with my head cut off, just another day in the life of Shelli. I finished with spelling tests and cleaning the house. The girls were picked up and dropped off from volleyball practice and I was on to picking up pizza and party supplies for Briana's 13th birthday bash. As soon as I pulled into the grocery store parking lot Shelby fell sound asleep. I knew it. Thirteen years of Mommyhood told me that would happen. Why had I not asked one of the girls to come with me? I decided to run and pick up the pizzas and then by the time I got back to the store she would have had a quick nap. So I pulled up to Papa Murphy's, locked the doors, and ran in to pick our order while Shelby slept peacefully in the car. As I walked back up to the car I had a sinking feeling with each step. I noticed that my jacket was much lighter than it should be and as I got up to my driver side window I realized my keys were sitting perfectly placed on the console between the seats. I slowly felt the panic settle in my throat, down to my heart and ending in my stomach. What do I do now? I called Mike and he didn't answer. I knew it was a good 2 hours before he would be back home anyway. I called my good friend Meg and said, "Oh no what do I do?" I felt frozen for a minute, she laughed and said, "You call the police, woman. You have a two year old locked in the car for goodness sakes." Of course, that is what I need to do. I went inside and called the police. So here are a few lessons I learned from this experience:

1. Our tax dollars are hard at work and the Woodstock Police are wonderful, quick, and understanding.
2. If you are going to lock your car, take your keys with you.
3. If you have sleeping child, take them with you.
4. For a professional, opening a locked car takes about 35 seconds, but it feels like hours to a mom.
5. Children can sleep through anything, especially child #5.
6. Mommy guilt can be relieved quickly by a trip to Walmart for candy.
7. Your heart rate can fluctuate drastically with little effort at all.
8. You can sound like a drunk even if you have not had alcohol for a very long time. (I answered to the police officer, "No, no...we did live in England for 3 years." The question was are you still on Greenway Cross?)
9. Trying to fit to many things into 30 minutes usually leave important details out, like where are my keys?

and my favorite lesson of all is #10.....God has perfect timing.

After I finished up with the sweet police officer I took Shelby back to the store to finish our errands and buy her some candy (post mommy stress syndrome). I walked past the toys and ran into a friend that works there. She saw me and instantly started to cry. She shared with me how things had turned badly for her and she felt like she couldn't go on. I stopped right there in Walmart and talked to her, hugged her, and told her how much I loved her and wanted her to keep pressing on. I encouraged her and shared with her what just happened to me. She laughed and thanked me, she asked to pray for ME! Right there in Walmart she laid a hand on my shoulder and asked God to bless me and thanked Him for protecting Shelby today. Afterwards she smiled and told me she felt so much better and she was going to go home and thank God for taking care of her and her circumstances. As I went on to pick up some Coke for the party it hit me that she was the reason for my 45 minute diversion. God really is good, all the time, God is good. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

So I am a slow learner....It only took me 15 years!

I am asked all the time how in the world do I do it? Five kids and a darling husband with two full time jobs AND I HOMESCHOOL!!! That is enough to drive most people over the edge and to the other side of the room at a party!

I, like every parent, struggle with balancing on the tightrope that is my life. I have had time of complete unbalance and complete failure in this. As we have been blessed with each child and each new challenge (like Mike going to law school or when he was flying out of St. Louis) I have been forced to become more organized. At first organization was my enemy. It fought against my strong willed nature, but as I have slowly let the schedules, planners, and calendars into my life I find that it is really my greatest tool. The strong willed part is calmed with the realization that I am the one filling them out and doing the deciding, so there no reason to get myself breathing into a paper bag.

But that being said, another issue has plagued my now organized life, MOTIVE. I am an acts of service kind of gal, so my motives are almost always others. I sacrifice myself on the alter of daily life in order to show love to the people around me. In March I joined the gym, and not just any gym, the gem of all gyms! I only joined because of the indoor pool and water slide for the kids. See what I did? I changed the reason for the gym from me to them.

I have forced myself to exercise in a different way. I am exercising my mind and trying to change my perspective. After several months of this I am now able to see that I am a better mother when I take care of myself, a better wife, and a happier person all around. I use my time on the elliptical machine to meditate and pray, God has blessed this time EVERYTIME! Now I crave to be there, it is my one hour escape from servant hood and recharge time. I have started getting hour massages every two weeks. Of course, I felt much guilt over this to the point that it was hard to enjoy them, well almost! One day a few weeks ago I was dropping the girls off at skating and then off to my massage when their coach stopped me. She told me how proud of me she was and how her mother never did things for herself. She explained that when she did do something for herself she made an excuse and never acknowledged her worth. (OUCH!!!) Then she told me something even more difficult to hear, she told me that it had a profound impact on the image she held for herself and that she struggles to show her worth in relationships today.

The way I act toward myself is an example to my girls on what kind of mother they will be???? Why hadn't I seen that before? What if their love language isn't acts of service? Will they feel like terrible mothers? What am I teaching my boys about the role of their wives someday? Am I setting an example that the women they choose will not feel comfortable in?

Just as I was beginning to go to the gym for me I had a set back! Everyone wanted to go to the gym but Briana. I wanted her to go for me, but I didn't ask her. Instead I told her that she could go to the pool by with Lindsey and hopefully no one would notice they weren't with a parent. Then they would be happy, I could work out, and I wasn't asking anyone to do it for me. Well I had no sooner sat down to the exercise bike when I heard it, "Shelli Chinlund, please come to the control desk!" My heart sank. I knew I was in trouble! I walked shamefully to the desk passing all my friends that work there. They were looking at me like what are they paging HER for? She is our favorite member, the perfect mother of the year! I apologized to the manager and quickly changed into my suit and took my kids swimming the right way.

I hate when they are right and I am wrong. But God really spoke to my heart on this. When I refuse to see my worth, the worth He sees in me, I am out of balance. I do things with the wrong motives and present myself the wrong way, especially to my children who watch my every move. I am getting better at this everyday. Balance....it all comes down to balance and sometimes I still feel very uncoordinated!

"Honest scales and balances are from the LORD; all the weights in the bag are of his making." Proverbs 16:11

Baked Oatmeal with Apples

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

Proverbs 25:11

This morning I woke up with the urge to make Baked Oatmeal with our Royal Oaks apples. Fall is in the air.

Shelby and David loved the oatmeal especially with whipped cream on top.

In a bowl mix:

4 cups milk

3 cups of Oats

1/2 cup wheat germ

1/c cup packed brown sugar

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

a dash of salt

fold in 2 large cubed apples

Pour into a greased casserole pan. Bake at 375 for 35-40 minutes. Top with whipped cream and enjoy :)

"Happy Birthday to Me...Me...Me!"

Well, I did it! I officially turned 37. For some strange reason it seems much older than 36 did! I have been dreading it for months and the day finally arrived. I awoke to kids singing happy birthday with a candle in my whipped cream and waffle. I rushed off to a meeting a church. I followed that by organizing a delivery of rummage sale items from the Woodstock Boy Scouts and settled on the couch for a quick nap while Mike took the kids to Walmart for my birthday dinner with friends supplies.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, actually it felt very comfortable and calm. Just the way a suburbanite stay at home mommy should spend her birthday. Except for one problem.....I see things from a Biblical perspective! It permeates everything I do, affects my moods, my emotions, and why I breath in and out.

Mike asked me what I wanted to do today and I filled in the details. I wanted to be with my family, I wanted to serve my church, I wanted to help the community, and I wanted to watch "Expelled" with my friends. Why in the world would I want all that? Shouldn't MY birthday be all about ME? If I have learned anything about myself in the last 37 years it is that I am happiest when I think of others first. I am happiest when I serve others, and I learn most when I listen to others and try to understand what their motivations are and what is their hearts.

That is why I wanted to watch "Expelled". I am fascinated and perplexed at why a million people would buy "The God Delusion" and conclude that it is correct. I want to understand what is to gain from a person choosing to reject God and accept the religion of atheism. If I am wrong I have lived a good life, serving others, having purpose, and joy. If the anti-god movement is wrong there is alot more at stake, for future generations....and for all eternity. Not to mention that many of my atheist friends are depressed, living in darkness, addiction, and despair.

There were many things I took from the movie. The freedom of questioning and investigating science is shrinking. That is undeniable. It is one of the reasons we homeschool and one of the reasons we are attacked for it. I teach my children other beliefs on the origin of life, I feel it is very important for them to know why we believe the way we do and to help them answer life's important questions. I have found that when I am not afraid to look I will find more answers than questions.

I also was left with the realization that If a person can conclude logically that there is no God, then they are free to make their own rules or religion and have zero accountability. That would be great if there really was no God, but what happens when this delusion is over and the reality of our Creator is in front of them and they have to answer despite their prior belief?

We talked tonight about what would the motivation be for evolutionists to stick together to a flawed system of belief? Why are they so afraid to debate or answer honestly. Dawkins seemed absolutely annoyed at some basic questions even being asked and pretty much said, talk to the hand, in his body language. Some suggest that it is to protect their power, status, and position. I think in the case of successful writers like Dawkins it would be also their book deals and recognition that would be the hardest to compromise with the ever evolving theologies.

Ben Stein reveals that a crack in the wall of atheism/evolution is so threatening that leading scientists will not even openly admit any obvious flaws in their belief system and they protect it at all costs. He shows pictures of the Berlin wall. I remember when the wall came down. It started with a chip and quickly crumbled. I remember watching it on TV as Pres. Reagan commanded to "Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

The threat of freedom is too great for the scientific arena to allow even a chip. My roommate in college had a piece of the wall and she treasured it as a souvenir of the strong will of humanity.

I would be willing to suggest it represents much more than that. It represents the free will God designed in us, intelligently.

My personal conclusion is that Atheism is a religion which men hide behind to avoid facing our Creator. Atheism is a form of false fulfillment, fulfillment meant to come from God. If you convince yourself their is no God, then you try to fulfill yourself....but you are also fooling yourself.

Part 3 "Cut to a Stump"

People often ask how can I be so strong and confident in my faith? I have just had another personal tragedy, my 4th miscarriage at the 3 month mark. Knowing that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever gives me the strength to carry on. I wake up each morning and open my Bible and remind myself that He is my Rock and will never leave me. I have walked away from Him in the past, but He never left me. I have learned over my life that God doesn't change...people do. I have made a conscience choice to follow Him and allow the growth I need to mature and become more like His Son everyday.

Something amazing happened to King Nebuchadnezzar in chapter 4 of Daniel. It was 30 years after Daniel's buddies were saved from the burning furnace. The king had another dream and he asked Daniel to tell him what it meant. "The tree you saw, which was strong , with its top touching the sky, visible to the whole earth, with beautiful leaves and abundant fruit, providing food for all, giving shelter to the beasts of the field, and having nesting places in its branches for the birds of the air--you, O king, are that tree! You have become great and strong; your greatness has grown until it reaches the sky, and your dominion extends to distant parts of the earth. You, O king, saw a messenger, a holy one, coming down from heaven and saying, 'Cut down the tree and destroy it, but leave the stump, bound with iron and bronze, in the grass of the field, while its roots remain in the ground." Daniel 4:20-23

God allows tragedy to strike us that is undeniable. But why? Well, it is impossible to live in this world and not face hardships. Life without pain and sin is Heaven not earth. God uses everything that happens in our lives to grow us and He helps us to overcome whatever we face if we let Him. I love the example of the tree being cut to a stump. King Nebuchadnezzar had an amazing and flourishing kingdom. Historians tell us that Babylon was the richest and most luxuriant Empire of all time. God allowed King Nebuchadnezzar to be cut back to a stump, for the purpose of being stripped of disease and grown back into a glorious sight. "The command to leave the stump of the tree with its roots means that your kingdom will be restored to you when you acknowledge that Heaven rules." Daniel 4:26 That is exactly what happened. The king was stripped of almost everything. He finally acknowledged God and praised Him alone. (verse 37)

I have a tree in our yard. This is my favorite tree, a magnolia right outside my bedroom window. Every year we have lived here I have watched it grow and bloom. I take a picture of it in each of the 4 seasons, because it is so beautiful in each one. This is it above when it was in full bloom one spring. We noticed that it was looking sick last year and called the tree guy. He gave me the worst diagnosis, our tree had a soil born virus. The remedy? Cut it down, burn it, and never plant anything there again. I was crushed. I couldn't believe something so beautiful was going to be nothing but a memory. Mike lovingly cut away every branch with the vascular disease. All that was left was a stump and a few branches. It looked dead all fall and winter. Then an amazing thing happened. A few weeks ago we noticed some green growing from the stump!

Little by little we are watching healthy green leaves emerge from the stump and slowly climb up the few branches left. I look forward to the day when I look out my bedroom window again and see my magnolia in its' full and splendid bloom. I have confidence, because I know firsthand that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Nothing is impossible with Him. He wants to grow us all back into the splendor and glory in which we were created.

Part 2 "Do you know the Rock?"

"In the time of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed, nor will it be left to another people. It will crush all those kingdoms and bring them to an end, but it will itself endure forever. This is the meaning of the vision of the rock cut out of a mountain, but not by human hands-a rock that broke the iron, the bronze, the clay, the silver and the gold to pieces." Daniel 2:44-45

Nebuchadnezzar's Dream Part 2

This rock represents the kingdom of Messiah, the Lord Jesus Christ. This kingdom will fill the whole earth and never be destroyed. Jesus is described over and over in scripture to be the rock, foundation, stone the builders rejected, capstone, the living stone, chief cornerstone, and so on. (see Psalm 118:22-24, 1 Pet 2:4-8, Isaiah 29:16, Matt 21:42-43, Mk 12:10, Lk 20:17, Acts 4:11, Eph 2:20, Ro 9:33 & 10:11)

King Nebuchadnezzar had a dream....it terrified him to the point of hysteria. He knew it meant something big and he paid attention. He didn't rest until an explanation was given. God gave Daniel the dream and it's meaning. At the time of the dream only the head of gold, Babylon had been fulfilled. If every single part of the the statue's pretold analogy has been fulfilled up to the toes over a span of 2,600 years then it is logical to assume God will fulfill it to the end as well. I do not know when the end will come, no one does, but I know we are not at the shoulders or belly button, we are under the feet. The Rock is coming...do you know Him?

"That if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

Part 1 "Neb's dream...interpreted and fulfilled."

Ever feel like some Scripture is over your head or just plain doesn't make any sense? Well, I have, which is why I was reluctant and excited at the same time to study the books of Daniel and Revelation. I am going to post a recap of what I have been studying in small bits so as not to overwhelm, because it is exciting...mind blowing stuff...ENJOY!!!

What started the whole series of events in the time of Daniel was the dream that King Nebuchadnezzar had. (Daniel speaking) "You looked, O king, and there before you stood a large statue -an enormous, dazzling statue, awesome in appearance. The head of the statue was made of pure gold, its chest and arms of silver, its belly and thighs of bronze, its legs of iron, its feet partly of iron and partly of baked clay. While you were watching, a rock was cut out, but not by human hands. It struck the statue on its feet of iron and clay and smashed them. Then, the iron, the clay, the bronze, the silver and gold were broken into pieces at the same time and became chaff on a threshing floor in the summer. The wind swept them away without leaving a trace. But the huge rock that struck the statue became a huge mountain and filled the whole earth." Daniel 2:31-35 (NIV)

One of the remarkable things about Daniel recounting this dream to the king is that the king had told no one the dream, but demanded they tell HIM what he saw! Daniel was given the knowledge from God to tell King Neb what he saw and then he told him what it meant.

" This was the dream, and now we will interpret it to the king. You, O king, are the king of kings. The God of heaven has given you dominion and power and might and glory........you are that head of gold. After you another kingdom will arise, inferior to yours. Next, a third kingdom, one of bronze, will rule over the whole earth. Finally, there will be a fourth kingdom, strong as iron-for iron breaks and smashes everything-and as iron breaks things to pieces, so it will crush and break all the others. Just as you saw that the feet and toes were partly of baked clay and partly of iron, so this will be a divided kingdom; yet it will have some of the strength of iron in it, even as you saw the iron mixed with clay. As the toes were partly iron and partly clay, so this kingdom will be partly strong and partly brittle. And just as you saw the iron mixed with baked clay, so the people will be a mixture and will not remain united, any more than iron mixes with clay." Daniel 2:36-43

Okay, so here is the prophetic dream fulfilled up to date....

the HEAD was made of gold, famous ruler was Nebuchadnezzar, historical fulfillment: the Babylonian Empire, 626-539 B.C.

the CHEST was made of silver, famous ruler was Cyrus the Great, historical fulfillment: the Medo-Persian Empire, 539-331 B.C. (the two arms represent the two sides which united to conquer Babylon as the Medes and Persians)

the BELLY and THIGHS were made of bronze, famous ruler Alexander the Great, historical fulfillment: the Grecian Empire, 331-63 B.C.

the LEGS were made of iron, famous rulers were Octavian (Augustus), Tiberious, and Nero, historical fulfillment: the Roman Empire, 63 B.C-A.D. 476

the FEET made of iron and baked clay can be interpreted as the outgrowth of the divided Roman Empire. The toes on the feet may very well represent a political system yet to come. This is the time up to now continuing until Christ's return.

The dream given to Nebuchadnezzar by God, revealed and interpreted by Daniel by God, and perfectly fulfilled to date over the span of 2600 years by God....AWESOME! One of the cool things to me is the representation of the Roman Empire in the legs and feet and how the iron is mixed in the toes. Roman culture is mixed into every culture alive right now. Us for example, our system of laws and democracy, the architecture of our governmental buildings, even our stadiums! As Mike and I have traveled all over Europe together and toured Rome...it is undeniable that the world as we see it today has evolved from a strong Roman influence. Just look around. We are living in a prophetic fulfilled time with more to come.

Standing up to Babylon and against the "god of pop"

This summer I am hosting a Bible study in my home on the book of Daniel. It has been the BEST study I have ever done, personally, and the ladies that are coming are wonderful. We call it "Souper Thursday", because each week we have a different homemade soup before we begin. The fellowship and bonds that we are forming are beautiful, and the prayer support we give each other like no other, but the best part of all is the Word of God made alive for each one of us.

As a Homeschool Mom standing up to our culture is a natural instinct, but this takes it to a whole new level! We are looking at the World, specifically America, with a whole new lens. The recent Michael Jackson hoopla is a wonderful example of modern day Babylonian thinking. The Babylonian creed was and still is, "I am, and there is no other." At his memorial service yesterday it was said that the loss of MJ is so great, and the mourning so profound, that we need for him to comfort us. How can a deceased man comfort you? Only God can do that and by making MJ a god the lie of false fulfillment is produced.

On Dateline afterwards a psychologist who studies the death and impact of celebrities declared just that when she said, "Michael Jackson is no longer the King of Pop, he is now the god of Pop." I, like most of the world, enjoyed and listened to MJ growing up. My brother called me yesterday and asked me if I still had his poster on my wall, because it was selling for $300 on ebay :) I am not against paying tribute to an awesome entertainer. But Michael Jackson is not a god and does not deserve to be worshiped. He was a man living in the same fallen world as you and I. He was a man needing a Savior. There is but ONE TRUE GOD, and I pray Michael knew HIM.

"But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King. When he is angry, the earth trembles; the nations cannot endure his wrath. Tell them this: 'These gods, who did not make the heavens and the earth, will perish from the earth and from under the heavens.' But God made the earth by his power; he founded the world by his wisdom and stretched out the heavens by his understanding. " Jeremiah 10:10-12

Why do Bad Things Happen to Good People?

That is the age old question. I know for me personally, that is a question I have asked and a question family and friends have asked as they have watched us go through 3 miscarriages. In January of this year I studied the book of Job looking for that answer. What I learned was that bad things do absolutely happen to even the best of people. Job was one of those people. He was successful, wealthy, respected, and blessed. He loved the Lord with all his heart and was a faithful follower. The enemy challenged God to allow him to test his faithfulness. He reasoned that Job was only a loyal follower because he was blessed, but just allow a little adversity and he would turn on God. God, being all knowing, saw the whole picture and knew that no matter what the enemy could dish out would not compare to Job's love and devotion. Job never cursed God and he controlled his tongue.

I was fascinated by that. I have a very hard time controlling my tongue with a stubbed toe, yet here was Job who went from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the pit. Why do bad things happen to good people? Well here are a few of my beliefs on the subject. You can respectfully disagree with some or all of them, but I pray it helps you can read them with an open mind and trust the God who created you understanding why we are all subjected to pain and trials.

We live in an imperfect world ushered in by Adam and Eve's original sin of rebellion in the garden.God is all powerful, can heal sickness, disease, and reverse even death.

God's will is not sickness and disease, but He does allows it sometimes and works through us while we are in it.

We would not know the height of joy if we never experienced the sting of pain.

Miscarriage may hurt and be difficult, but a life now exists in heaven that did not before.

God calls us to trust Him through everything, not just when it goes well for us.

God uses every circumstance and trial we go through to touch others around us.

He cares about every single tear you shed and wants to comfort you.

If He allows it...there is a reason.

These are beliefs I have learned by walking closely with the Lord and trusting Him...no matter what. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. I will praise Him continually.

I love this definition of "providence" by Harper's Bible Dictionary:

Providence- God's has a plan and purpose for his world. Providence is not a principle of orderliness or reason; rather, providence is the will of the Creator who is actively involved in moving his creation to a goal. History is not a cyclical process of endless repetition; history is being moved toward the predetermined end.